Thursday, August 25, 2011

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Sometimes I just wonder what the problem is with people. I can't remember where I read where one blogger was lamenting about the throes of growing up and the expectations of  family, peers, society to do things a particular way or fit a particular mold or follow a particular pattern. As kids we could not wait to grow up, get into the REAL world; Real world being either college or a job. After the job, everybody thinks the next thing is  marriage and once you are married the next thing is having babies. As a newly married woman, once you say you are having a headache or a slight fever, people are asking " Abi e don enter?" So a girl can't have fever or headache again? Then if after a couple of months, you isn't pregnant, you will see and hear all sorts of things.

A friend of mine got married in November last year after a long search and wait for a partner. During the period of wait, people walked up to her in church, at work trying to hook her up with their brothers, friends, uncles etc There was even one church member that tried to hook her up with a married man whose family is in the US but he is ready to settle down in Nigeria, so they wanted her to be the Nigerian wife cos they felt at her age she shouldn't be choosy. What is that?

Anyways she got married and 8 months later people are asking her how far? Why isn't she pregnant. One 'concerned' person wrote a prescription for her, mind you, she is not a doctor o. According to "concerned" friend, she isn't acting like she is bothered and that it was obvious that she is not doing anything about it. I am thinking, can anyone be more bothered about this kind of situation, more  than the person actually experiencing it? If you want to grieve more than the bereaved, pray for the person. If  you are close  enough and she asks for your opinion or help that is when you can give your 2 kobo. Or am I wrong?

20 comments:

  1. I don't know what it is about Nigerians and fertility, but even before my husband and I were officially married I had people telling me that God will bless us with a baby by the following year. I know they meant well, but not everyone is rushing to get pregnant right after walking to the altar. Some folks want to enjoy being a married couple for a few years, others want to get financially secure before bringing a child into this world, others want to get higher education. The list is endless! And for those that do want to become pregnant immediately but are unable to. I'm sure they don't want the constant reminder by having everyone ask about their lack of pregnancy! Sigh. We can't win for losing

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  2. LOL, i don't know why people are always in a rush to rush other people into doing things. I personally am not concerned (even though my fam is gettin the itch to start asking questions) about the fact that i'll be 25 and i have no husband in sight. And when i do get married, i have no desire to get knocked up on the honeymoon. Condoms and BC on deck for at least a year or 2 into the marriage. With the way folks are getting divorced whats the sense in starting a family right away if you aren't even sure the marriage will last?

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  3. NOPE you are NOT wrong!!!

    People can be so annoying...everyone should learn to mind their business jare...smh...it's so annoying...that's why some weak women end up making bad decisions because the pressure can be so strong at times...urg

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  4. You are not wrong
    People are toooo nosy
    Blessing has said it oh!

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  5. "they wanted her to be the Nigerian wife cos they felt at her age she shouldn't be choosy" can you just imagine that nonsense. ishhh.... on pregnancy, it's definitely a touchy one, i think in our culture, people always feel they know what is best for you because they are older.

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  6. Blessings.....
    People have the tendency to be judgmental and opinionated, they like to assume they know what is best for others, the only problem with that is that it is based on how they think, what they believe from their context and philosophy which 9 out of 10 times has nothing to do with the person.

    the key is to live your life and be willing to accept that you cannot please some of the people some of the times and none of the people none of the times so you just gotta do you and be alright with some liking it and some not liking it.

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  7. Only in NAIJA! lol.
    Its the African way of looking at things o, Oghene. Sincerely, at a certain age, especially after graduation, if you are not married, its like witches and wizards have made you their domicile. lol. And when you now get married and after 6months, people are not seeing protruded belly, you are in trouble again. lol cos they'd be telling you, "you need deliverance" lol.

    May God help our thinking in Africa.
    Thanks for your comment on my blog. God bless you :)

    - LDP

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  8. "There was even one church member that tried to hook her up with a married man whose family is in the US but he is ready to settle down in Nigeria, so they wanted her to be the Nigerian wife cos they felt at her age she shouldn't be choosy."

    How horrible!! It's people like that who confuse people about Christianity and what it truly means to be a christian. Your friend should just keep ignoring them, they are nosy busybodies.

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  9. You are not wrong o. No mind those "I too know" peoples. As if their own lives are perfect. Or they have all the answers. You do things in your own time jare, you only answer to yourself, God and your spouse. Everyone else can step! No matter how well meaning they are, they can not live your life for you.

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  10. You are NOT WRONG at all!
    Imagine, a "church" member trying to hook someone up with a MARRIED MAN! Haba! Where is the Christianity is such an act?

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  11. No,you weren't wrong.It's pressures like this placed upon intelligent,independent young women that make them go into marriages where they end up being miserable.

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  12. You aren't wrong...

    how far with offering prescriptions? did the woman say she has health issues? people! its not mandatory that a baby comes immediately after marriage. haba

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  13. LDP Gbam...

    This is true, some people are so good at using remote control to scroll through your program and even monitor it,and decide on what's good or bad. As Amy said,I've heard a lot of that too...people praying for ‎​you to have a baby after a ‎​year and some panicking when the baby's not come after a ‎​year hmm,na wa!LDP Gbam...

    This is true, some people are so good at using remote control to scroll through your program and even monitor it,and decide on what's good or bad. As Amy said,I've heard a lot of that too...people praying for ‎​you to have a baby after a ‎​year and some panicking when the baby's not come after a ‎​year hmm,na wa!

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  14. I'm with @Blessing....Honestly,people should just mind their own business and leave everyone to live their own lives and things may be simpler for everyone. Expectations are killing us and we don't even know how bad.

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  15. Don't even go there! LOL...my dear you're not wrong at all if I can use myself as example. People can sure poke nose into what concerns them in no way at all.

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  16. @Myne: What's your story then? I'm mighty curious. @Okeoghene: Make her answer!!!;-)
    T.Notes

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  17. you cant be wrong my dear, I wonder why people get themselves worked up for nothing over other peoples issues.

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  18. Hmmm...I think it cuts both ways. Sometimes, one is just curious o and it's not from an amebo perspective at all when you ask some questions. Sometimes, some people are just busybodies. It really depends. But no one has any business pushing expectations onto someone else. Everyone has their life to live and can choose how they wish to live it.

    I find Naija culture oppressive in terms of the expectations thing sha. It affects people's lives in a very big way cos they're made out to be some kind of a misfit or an outcast if they do not observe certain 'rites of passage' of which marriage and children is a big part of the deal.

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  19. Yes, the pressure can be unbearable sometimes but once you bend to such judgements, people won't leave you alone till you break.

    And when older people harass you too much with fact that your mates are all married, remind them that their mates are all dead
    Yes, the pressure can be unbearable sometimes but once you bend to such judgements, people won't leave you alone till you break.

    And when older people harass you too much with fact that your mates are all married, remind them that their mates are all dead

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