Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Kids before Spouse?

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I know, I know, Today is not Monday. I just wanted to put it out there that I just love Mondays. Or maybe I should rephrase that and say, I love Mondays till 3pm. Monday is my chill day. The day I spend doing something for me, which most times, is sleeping in after everyone leaves the house, or curling to read my book, having a shower or sometimes on occasion soaking in a bath in peace with no child coming to wait for me or ask if I am okay because I have stayed in there too long. For 6 hours, I am Okeoghene and not Mommy and this gives me a high and keeps me sane for the week.

Hope you guys had a great weekend.

This past weekend while visiting with friends we got into the discussion of which relationship comes first in the home, the one you have with your partner or the one you have with your kids. Everyone agreed that both relationships are important but I noticed that more women chose the kids instead of their spouse. Their argument was that children are being molded and need more attention than their husbands and of course the man will understand , because he should also be giving the same attention to the child; I was shocked when someone said all men want is sex  and that doesn't last  long anyways.

For me, yes children are important but  what you have with your spouse ranks higher.  As a parent I am supposed to be a model to my  children. The home is the first place where the child experiences what a family should look like. Children are visual sponges, they are seeing and they are absorbing. They are also testing boundaries and they want everything and everyone to revolve around them. However I choose to handle the relationship I  have with my spouse  affects our kids. I might think I am doing so much for my kids, taking care of their needs and them, but there is nothing like being a good example of what a strong marriage should look like; what team work should look like, what showing love, respect and affection should look like. Both of us, our union, should teach them this.

Keeping my husband in the  "understanding-pot" on the back burner will not make him happy. He will feel neglected. He is not just my room mate but my partner and my lover. Making my spouse a priority teaches my children respect of self and others. I don't want my child growing up  obnoxious, thinking  he  is the sun and everyone should revolve around him. It is my job to teach him and what better way than for him to see it at home?


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Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Long time no post

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 Happy November!!!

I really need to do better.

 Disclaimer here, not belittling the lesson behind the prodigal son, but sometimes these past few weeks, I could totally relate with the dude on going back to his father after his adventures. I had a hard time putting up a post because I didn't know  how to write my comeback post. What would I say? Should I do a post - post or I should I just say hi and come back with a post? Would anybody still be here to  read the post if I do? Am I  disciplined enough to blog consistently? I had so many questions and doubts dancing in my head.  I love to blog and I actually miss it when I don't. I miss the family here and all the beautiful connections that were budding before my inconsistency killed them.

Anyways I am back and I am going to make out time to blog this time. It won't just go into my "when I am free"folder, but will be in my "just do it " folder.

Hope everyone is doing ok?

PS: Can you believe it is 50 days to 2015?
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Thursday, September 18, 2014

....and summer ends.

Phew!!!

It has been forever and day. Seriously I didn't mean to stay away for this long. Maybe just for the summer but I planned to come back immediately school resumed. That was exactly 2 weeks ago. I hope everyone is doing well, learning a little something from the challenges of life. I am doing very good. We had a very busy summer. I thought with the kids in summer camp most of the time, that would equate to more time for me. I wish ! Before I could say jack, they were back home and poof went the time. We had a swell time all around  but according to my children's account, it wasn't a full vacation because we didn't leave upstate. Not even a trip to NYC?! *in my 6-yr-old's voice*. She thinks every vacation is not complete without a trip to the beach.

One thing we did a lot of this summer was read. We read lots and lots of books. Our local library had a summer reading program with the promise of a goody bag at the end. That motivated the children to read and that made me happy because I love to read.

These are some of the books we enjoyed.

froggy

My son loved this book so much, I bet we read all the Froggy books this summer and listened to the audio at least 10 times.



 katie

My daughter lost a couple of teeth this summer and this was a good read. 



 

I Didn't Ask to Be Born (But I'm Glad I Was) Bill Cosbybill

This was an easy-street read. I totally enjoyed it.

Looks like summer is over but not officially till 22 or  23rd September. We are already in the cool down season * my favorite*. We plan to read more in the coming months. I would appreciate any recommendations.

Enjoy the rest of the week .



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Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Best first date


Just saw this video online and it made me feel all warm inside.


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Friday, March 7, 2014

Lupita Nyong'o and the Oscars

I know I am  late to the Lupita Nyong'o's  party and all the love she is receiving  which is somewhat extending to black people. Everyone is talking about her beauty, her fashion style, her hair, her Oscar win, her Oscar speech, how inspirational she is to  young girls everywhere, how her story is even making grown people dust the cobwebs from their dreams, and dream again. It is a good story. The kind of story we like to hear or read about. It feels like finally justice is being served. People are seeing that even if you hide light, it must still shine. It is all good.

I think I should just add this disclaimer right here that I haven't seen the movie 12 years a slave, so I can't attest to the wonderful job the cast did to tell that story. What struck me as odd was that considering the good job Lupita did in that movie * she had many nominations and wins for the movie, right?* there was more talk about her skin color and representing her race than her actual talent. Yes, I know this is her first big performance and maybe they don't really have a list of works to look at to affirm her talent, so to keep the conversation going in the media, why not talk about her black beauty? We all lap it up. We are just so happy that one of us is recognized.It is all good though.

Who even decides who wins what in these Awards shows? Sometimes I think it is a conspiracy and maybe to be politically correct. Maybe they have a theme, or they have the years allotted, or it is just a case of the hype. Whatever it is, it just left the same taste in my mouth as when Agbani Darego won Miss World in 2001.It reeked of tokenism. Ms Ellen's monologue at the beginning of the Oscars about the possibilities of the winners for the night, if 12 years didn't win best picture then they were  all racists kinda gave a vibe. It is great to get out of being a wallflower and be recognized especially when you have put in the work. Media will pick who they want to be popular, hype the person and when they are done, they drop the person.

All that said, whatever their scheme is, it is good to see an intelligent and beautiful black woman receiving recognition and even wining .

You go girl!
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Monday, March 3, 2014

March...to procastination...to change in weather

Happy new month!!!

I bet most moms are good at zoning out when their children hit that never ending banter.
Oh! It is just me?
Every other mom is super attentive to their children's needs?
Oh well! I am guilty of just zoning out once in a while when they get into their continuous chatter mode. So today as we were getting ready for bath time, they were talking about favorite words or is it the words they like to say the most * remember I zoned out*. Out of nowhere Brume asked
 "Mom, what's your favorite word?"
 "I don't know. I don't think I have any".
"Ofcourse you do."
"No."
Your favorite words are 'hold on' and 'give me a minute'.
"Why would you say that?"
"Because you say those words all the time"
"No I don't"
Then his sister said " Mom, I need help with my sweater"
Then I said "Hold on"
 "You see, you just said it again", Brume said
Out of the mouth of babes
There are so many little things that we do that reflects on how we live our lives. Personally, I have a problem with procrastination, putting things off till I can't put them off any more, I have to deal with them. Though in some ways this scenario is different but it got me thinking of all those times I had said 'hold on' or 'give me a minute', when I could have easily done the task. Why push this moment's issues to the next one if you can deal with it now? I made a silent resolution to do better. This is me doing better. I have been pushing doing a blog post till when I had more time. But I always have time to play a round of candy crush, pet saga, subway surfers, zuma clash. Why not use that 20-30 minutes to put something down?

On a side note, is there anyone here who cannot wait for a change in the weather? Seriously I am tired of the winter. This is March now. I shouldn't be thinking of frozen fingers, runny noses, sub zero temperatures, polar vortex, cleaning driveways.....I know this season is for hibernation. God's way of telling us to stop, relax, take things easy, get things in perspective before the next season but I am having cabin fever. When will spring come on board?Meanwhile enjoy this beautiful Spring picture.


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Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Time for the heart.

I used to attend zumba classes once a week, sometimes twice if I could manage it. There is this elderly couple that come for the class too, the man should be in his 60s and the woman, maybe late 50s. The man is the only man in the class so quite noticeable. They just seem like these nice, probably retired, couple doing an activity together and having fun. Apart from the occasional hi when our paths cross, I really didn't know them like that. So yesterday was my first time going this year, I got to the class early, *very unusual* and the man was standing around the place where I normally stand, he was alone. After the usual greeting, I asked after his wife and he said she died. I was shocked because the last time I saw her, she was full of life though a bit frail. I offered my condolence and thank God the instructor was there  because I didn't know what else to say.
I wondered what she died of. If it was slow or fast? I wondered how he could even come to a class where he shared experiences with her recently and not burst into tears. I felt for him but I also admired his courage and strength.

 February is awareness month for the heart, emotionally and physically. As Valentine day approaches, everyone is talking about love, chocolates and flowers. As we share love with our loved ones and everyone around us, let us also not forget to show love to our physical hearts. Heart disease remains the number one cause of death for both men and women. It is called the silent killer because it shows no symptoms. We shouldn't go thinking, 'that can never happen to me, heart disease is not in my family'. It is best to be prepared. Know what you can control and work from there. Know your risks, maintain a healthy diet, exercise regularly, cut out smoking, drink moderately or not at all. Take care of your heart.

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