Thursday, February 2, 2012

Hi all,

Happy February. February is considered the month of love as Valentine day is celebrated on the 14th of the month. As for me, I just like new beginnings. I love fresh starts. This is another time to look back on what happened in January, take stock, set goals and re-strategize. Boring , right?

A special thank you to everyone who left a comment on my last post. I am sure I wasn't the only one who enjoyed reading them. There were a lot of opinions and lessons shared. Thanks for taking out time to share.


I was at the hair salon the other day and  a lady came in to make her hair. You know how african salons are. The gists are always loud. So this lady was talking about her son who weighs 40lbs at 12months. Everyone oohed and aahed at the baby's size and different  subtle gists of "my child is bigger than yours" to "my child hit developmental milestones before yours" hit the salon for a while. This got me thinking. Is having a child bigger than his/her age child a good thing? Is it something worth bragging about?

My 3 year old daughter looks like a 5 year old in height and size and it worries me sometimes. People expect so much from her* I am guilty of this too sometimes* and I am like she isn't that old enough to speak that well, think like that or coordinate her activities like that cos she is just 3. I find myself explaining to strangers. Some days i just wished people would see her and see her age. 

Sometimes I feel like when it comes to children's growth, parents are infatuated with speed. We want our children to grow up fast. We are bothered if other children their age can do something and they can't. Why not just let them grow at their God given pace? Sometimes I see myself stressing my kids and probably pushing them unnecessarily, I have to catch myself and scream at myself to stop. In a bid to raise exceptional children, I am subtly saying that normal is not good. My actions sometimes scream "grow up faster and better so that you will not be left behind". I am gradually stealing their freedom.


Note to self: In as much as I want the best for my children, I should let them grow at their God given pace. I would encourage them, appreciate their childhood and values while still maintaining reasonable discipline.

32 comments:

  1. Even though I'm not yet a parent, but I learn a lot from my sisters. I think it's very important that parents realise that their kids are different and not compare them with other kids. I was @ my sister's house some weeks back and she had some visitors. One of the ladies that came with her son was saying that her son developed so quickly and could walk on his own at some months and at 2years old, her son was talking very well bla bla bla. After a while, my sister told her "I don hear, leave my own son to grow up @ his own pace. There is a tendency to compare kids and unconsciously push your's to "develop faster".

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    1. Good answer your sister gave the woman. It is all this my child is faster that makes mothers want to over push their own kids

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  2. I wrote a similar post just last month.

    http://papatwotwingirls.blogspot.com/2012/01/height-and-development-are-not-related.html

    Sometimes I feel like getting them shirts that state their age (two tomorrow) would be helpful.

    As for the kid that weighs 40 lbs at age one - yikes. If he were my son, and unless he was four feet tall, I'd have all kinds of worries about that. I guess if he was four feet tall I'd be a little worried about that too!

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    1. That shirt is a good idea too and would help. A 40lbs kid at that age sure is obese.

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  3. 12 months old and 40 lbs is obese !

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  4. I dont think its something worth bragging about o. Well, in Nigeria maybe.. but in this part of the world, its the beginning of obesity. Its often a topic people dont like to talk about sef.

    On expectations with regards to size, I concur! lol

    -LDP

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    1. It isnt something to brag about anywhere o, even in Naija.

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  5. Most times, i also have to remind myself that my niece, Princess is just 3 cos she acts so grown up.

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  6. Obesity is definitely not something to brag about. Its good to challenge one's children to reach for greater heights but there must be limits else they'll be belaboured and may result to rebelling!

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    1. Knowing the limit sometimes is the problem

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  7. i find myself doing the same with my daughter..but i consciously remind myself she is developing at the pace God has set for her.

    This parenting business is not moimoi. God is our strength

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    1. lol@ Parenting business is not moimoi

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  8. I think we should let our children be children. In future, it won't matter whose child grew fastest, what will matter is what they have been able to achieve in life

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    1. I totally agree, it wont be who talked earliest but what they were able to achieve in their life.

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  9. My sis in law was saying the same thing the other day, and I totally agree. But I feel it's something we would have to consciously do since most of us have competition and trying to excel already embedded in us.

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    1. Exactly Myne. It will have to take conscious effort

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  10. thanks for stopping by my blog, will be reading yours from now...great blog you got here!

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  11. I've already started experiencing this competition and my child isn't even born yet! I have several friends due in Feb/March/April and I feel they have already started comparing stats: i.e. who felt kicks first, whose baby is always active, estimated birth weight, etc. I am so over the comparisons!

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    1. I totally feel you Amy. If one is not careful after the baby is born, it might get worse

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  12. Blessings...
    One of the traps parents can fall into is making COMPARISONS don't do it, do not go there. Every child is unique and develops differently. If you have concerns about her development then talk to your doctor better yet do your research on child development and see where the barameters are. I believe in talking to children from the time they were born if i am lucky to be there from the start. I speak to them as i would speak to any other. I don't do that baby talk crap. What i have observed in all my experience taking care of children as a youth, adult and raising my own children is that they learn how to communicate well even when there speech is not fully developed.

    Take my Godson, I call him manman, I was there from the time he was born, I saw him almost everyday and would sit and talk to him for hours. The mother would look at me and say, "you are something else, you talk to him like he understands." Then as he grew and i talk he would listen intently and would make gooing sounds to my questions answering in his own way. The mother looked at me shocked. She would be telling her husband in Bangwa, "O he is answering her,'" as he grew it became more obvious as he grew older. When i took him out and i spoke with hiim when he responded people would marvel. I took him to a buskerfest festival here in Toronto when he was one, and spoke to him as all the performers did there thing. When he was hungry i bought a whole roasted chicken, pull off the leg and gave it to him, he ate it with gusto. We were sitting my the side a little parkette and pigeons were coming by and I told him pigeon, and he repeated it peegun, and i started the conversation about pigeons and how they are birds and soon he was laughing and yelling peegun every time he saw a pigeon. Chicken bone in hand he was on a roll, soon we had a crowd around us, people laughing and marvelling at this one year old. The he saw a dog and looked at me and said mama doog and he made barking sounds, the crowd went up in laughter. he understood everything though he didn't necessarily have the words to express them. Your child, meet here were she is at, just talk to her like you would anyone else and pay attention to her responses, it will teach you and show you exactly where she is at and use that as a barameter for progress.

    oops sorry i just ran off at the fingers. sorry to be long winded.
    have a great day and a maverlous week.
    Rhapsody
    http://twitter.com/rhapsodyphoenix
    http://www.shelfari.com/rhapsodyphoenix

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    1. Thanks Rhapsody for the long comment. I totally enjoyed it and I also agree with you on talking to kids as we would talk with others. My daughter is doing fine for her age, the challenge I have is from other people expecting too much considering her size

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  13. I notice that 'my child is bigger/better/more behaved than yours' going on around me. in the way of competitiveness, i like when it pushes a lackadaisical mother to make an effort towards caring for their brood, the con is the mother that becomes a 'tiger mom' at the expense of her child's happiness.

    I think you are doing just fine. don't fret.

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  14. Sometimes it's just fear of the unknown. I remember when my sister was born and at that time she had a health issue where the doctor said she may not develop like every normal child, that got my mum so scared. My mum was always panicking saying things like ooooh ahhhh, so and so person's daughter is walking and talking now but my daughter seniors her with 6mnths and hasn't even started crawling but now my sister walks all over the place and can't even keep her mouth shut except when she's sleeping, lol!!

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    1. I agree it might be from fear too. My MIL told me my husband didn't utter a word till he was 4years old. Sometimes I think if it was me, I would probably have panicked to heaven and back.

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  15. Definitely need to take care of the child that may be overweight!

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    1. I agree instead of bragging about it

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  16. you are so right about kids needing to grow at their own pace...my oldest was always under on the weight charts. His doctor always took the time to show me that even though he was below what the average was, my child was still growing consistently and that was a good thing!

    joy and blessings,
    Alida

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