Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Marriage and finances

Hi all,

I heard a story today I would like to share with you. There is this couple, the husband was an accountant with an accounting firm while the wife is a confidential secretary with one of the banks. Some years after their marriage the husband lost his job and getting another job was very difficult so he decided to venture into business. There was no head to that either. Since the husband lost his job, at the end of the month, the wife gives her salary to the him and he will decide how the money will be spent.

Last month, the wife feeling the need to upgrade her wardrobe bought a couple of outfits and shoes before giving the husband what was left. The husband was furious, he refused to collect the money  and he told her she doesn't have the right to spend the money. He hit her then told her he is the one to decide if she needs new clothes or shoes. Shoes and clothes are not their priority cos they need to save up to start another business. The husband insisted she must apologize for spending the money. The wife refused to apologize. She called one of her uncles and he said she must apologize since the husband was one of the people who helped to pay her school fees in higher institution. The battle is on.

When I heard this story, these thoughts came to my mind :

1. As a third party, you never can tell with a married couple. The story might not even be the full story and facts might be distorted

2. Communication between couples is very important. During courtship, people spend little or no time on talking about situations such as if a spouse loses a job, finances, family budgets etc. We always assume that things will always be rosy without challenges. We think the most challenging is  planning the wedding. That, in real life is not the case, most times.

3. I don't know why she chose to agree to give all her salary to her husband; but since she did, she should have told him that she needed new clothes and shoes for work instead of going behind his back to buy them. She must have her own reasons for doing that, maybe she already asked/ told him and he said it wasn't important because he had a project he was planning for. And now that she did it, he sees it as disrespect.

4.I have zero tolerance for men who hit women. Instead of hitting her, a simple talk on priorities would have sufficed. What man would even tell his wife to give all her salary for his own project and house-keep. Isn't he supposed to be the provider and the wife his help-mate?  The man has wronged his wife and if family *cos it will get to family to settle* say the wife should apologize, the husband must also apologize to the wife. He vowed to love and protect her, but who will protect her from him now that he has turned to Mohammed Ali.

It is very important as couples and those of us planning to get married to communicate and most importantly make plans for when these kind of challenges come up.It is also important to be in agreement on steps to take on how you handle finances. Some men are the sole providers and the woman's money is her money. Some people decide to have a joint account or pool of funds and they agree on what each partner will contribute to the pool. Some couples have a budget and they pool both salaries.* Some people won't like this cos they don't want their partner to know what they earn.* Explore all options and see what will work for you. Proper handling of finances is important in committed relationships.

Did the woman in the story do wrong? Was the husband right? How do you plan to handle finances in your home?

Friday, March 2, 2012


Hi all,

Thanks to everyone who commented on my last post. I really appreciate it. Living healthy lives cannot be over emphasized. Thanks for all the condolence messages too though my dad passed on some 20 years ago. I am sure it feels like last year to my mom.

I was a bit under the weather a while back. Battled a cold that refused to go. I was doing strong girl  thinking Naija no dey catch flu when I could have saved myself all that wahala by taking the shot. Flu showed me that it is no respecter of Naija or American. Maybe I would have gotten better faster if I had rest but how much rest can you have with kids around needing attention and care? I am better and now and very appreciative of good health.

I just wanted to put up something today being the 1st of the month. March  has marched in, we are almost hitting the first quarter of the year. Time to check on goals and probably refocus. Spring is supposed to be around the corner but what's up with the 6inch of snow today?


How are you guys doing?