Wednesday, December 28, 2011

New Year and other things

Hello everyone,

First off I will like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a wonderful 2012. I hope you guys had fun and spent time with family, friends and loved ones. Christmas was okay for me too. I missed attending midnight mass as we normally do to usher in the Christmas. The parish we attend here had their Christmas eve vigil mass at 4pm. There is one thing I didnt miss though; the firecrackers or as we called it, "Banger" or "knock-out". I dreaded the season because of those things. They will not allow you walk on road without throwing it at you; if you choose to stay indoors, they will not allow you rest with all the noise. People having "Banger battles" and disturbing the peace of the neighborhood. They say they are just enjoying themselves and relaxing. I wonder how you can relax with all that loud ra-ta-tat noise? Maybe I am just a Grinch.

A very huge thank you to all those who took out time to read and comment on my last post. I appreciate all the words of advice and encouragement. I totally agree with all the comments regarding what I want to do with my blog. This is my space and I am allowed to administer as I wish. For my new followers, thank you for joining my cruise.

2011 is fast drawing to a close and I am sure most people are reviewing the year and making resolutions for the coming year. I am not really a New Year resolution person. I can't remember the last time I made a list of things I would like to achieve at the beginning of the year. However, I am a huge believer in fresh starts, taking time to refocus and prioritize. I make weekly, monthly goals * I just love to tick off when I achieve something*. That said, 2012 might be different as I see myself setting goals for the new year because it is the new year.

So far, I have 3 things on my  list. The first on the list is Quality Time. Spending quality time with my family without the distraction of T.V, smart-phones, books etc. Lately I realized I got another appendage attached to my hand named my smart-phone. I am always fiddling with it. It got so bad one day, my daughter after asking for something more than once and i just said okay and not giving  her what she wanted as i didn't even hear her, she took the phone and i felt like a teenager being scolded by her mom. She also banned my phone from her tea parties. *She said I am supposed to use my hands to hold the tea cup and eat the imaginary cake *So for the coming year, I will take at least 30minutes to just be with my family. Just talking and enjoying the company.Quality time will also extend to myself. I will ensure I take my alone times too.

Exercise is also on my list. I didn't do too good in this area the past couple of months and with the chop-and- quench attitude of the holidays, exercising  is on my mind. As I stuff myself with every delicious morsel, I am thinking of my bumbum..... So for a start I will put in 20minutes then build up from there. The last thing on my list is Sleep. Most days I wake up not refreshed and then have to rush into the day. I have been living on 5hr energy drink. I am sure those things have their side effects but no one is saying now. So in the new year, I plan to have at least 6-7hrs of sleep every night. That means shifting the kids bedtime an hour earlier.

Anyone with New Year resolutions and plans on how to meet them?

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Who is faster

Hi friends,

Happy new month to everyone. This is the last month in 2011 and I am a believer that something can still be achieved this year. it is not over till it is over and God's willing we will all usher in 2012.

Since I  started writing here, I have been thinking of the path I want this blog to follow. I know it is my space and can write whatever  i like here but still feel like should have a niche. What do you guys think? I find myself wanting to write about parenting, relationships, general topics etc.  I guess would figure that out lter.

Is it really true that girls are faster than boys in the early years developments or it is just something that we have read and after a long time believe? I have a boy and a girl. My daughter stopped breastfeeding on her own at 5months, I came back from work one day and she just refused to nurse. She favored her bottle. At that time, I was sad cos I felt like she didn't need me anymore. Fastword to a year later, my son cannot get enough of that stuff. I stopped breastfeeding him at 15months  and that was cos my hubs intervened. Potty training, the li'l Miss was potty trained at 2.  Brume is still in pull-ups. He refuses to use the potty at 26months. Just this morning when I laid out his clothes minus  his Pull-up. He said "mam no chu-chu * the underwear had a train on it* If I leave that boy he will still be in diapers at 5. Maybe I overindulge him, I am now on 'Operation Pottytrain Brume  before 2012'. So I ask are girls faster than boys?


Monday, November 21, 2011

Mom, no hitting

Hi guys, it has been a while I wrote something on here. Thanks to @9ja-great and Che who sent me birthday wishes on my day. My birthday had one of the coolest dates this year 111111. Another cool date is 91011 and another cool date is 20112011. Why am I even talking about dates sef? I hope everyone is doing well. For those facing any kind of challenge, be calm, this too shall pass.

I remember growing up and whenever anyone be it sisters or friends beat me, and I came back crying, my folks always asked why I was crying instead of beating my own back. Ofcourse most times, scratch that, I never beat my own back. When it got too much I just stayed out of the way of anyone I felt might use their fist on me. I didn't think my folks did any wrong by saying what they did, cos that was the time.

Now I have kids and we have a "no-hitting" rule at our house. You don't hit people and if you are hit, you say no hitting and report whoever hit to mom or dad. It has worked so far. Don't get me wrong, they still hit one another but they know it is wrong. One day, I had had enough of the reports of "mom, brume hit me", "mom K hit me". So when I heard another report, I just told my daughter, "go hit your own back". She told me No. No hitting, hitting is bad. I was taken aback cos a part of me felt like I was raising kids who only use their words and not their fist. I was worried that people might take them for granted and want to bully them.*just like I was bullied*. I was happy though that they were listening and trying to practise whatever I teach them. My fear now is that people might call them weaklings. Sometimes our people respect aggressiveness. My MIL can not stop regaling tales of how young Onos*the hubs* used to show people that offended him. What do you guys think? Should children be thought how to fight and defend themselves instead.My kids are under 4years, am I just being a worry wart?

Have a great day.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Hi people,

Hope everyone is enjoying the week so far. The year is speeding by or is it just me? It felt like just yesterday I was happy that it was friday and it is mid-week already. Are u one of those people who are already taking stock, looking at what you can still achieve before the year ends? Anybody? Oohkay. I know you guys are just like me. :-) Though I am not one to make new year resolutions, I have goals for the day, week, month etc. I don't know if that is more tasking cos if I don't do something that was scheduled for one day, it automatically joins the activities of the following day. This makes some days overwhelming.

Lately I have been thinking about social media, technology and its effects. We can all say that there are huge benefits in the social networks. Connecting with people you haven't seen in a long while and making new friends is just at the tip of our thumbs. Gossip is also easily accessed. But after reading an excerpt from a newspaper article where men were lamenting the loss of their wives, I started looking at it in a different light. Cos of technology, you don't have to go out of your house to have an affair. Men and Women are both guilty* I don't agree that it is only men losing wives, even some women are losing husbands*. These days, we all want to stay connected. Gone are the days when you go out and chat with someone while waiting, everyone is tuned to their phones, tapping, smiling and LOLing away. Even when you make a new contact, some people find it difficult to chat face to face, instead they are asking for your pin or number. I am also guilty of texting instead of calling. Anyways that is a different story.

You know how we have people we chat with on a regular basis, people on our bb contact list who we exchange fun, spiritual and sometimes lewd forwarded messages with. Sometimes things develop. I have heard of people getting close to the people on the otherside of the smartphone just cos they feel either their partners are not as understanding as the guy or gal they exchange IMs with. Ofcourse they forget that writing and speaking are different. Just like reading and hearing is diiferent.That person will only share what they want you to know and behave or comment in ways they know you want to hear. I used to have a friend who used to be a coursemate during my Uni days. He was just one of those guys in class that you shared more than a hi with but nothing heavy. Now this guy is one of my bb contacts. We chat sometimes till he started rapping nonsense. He would make suggestive comments and once he shared his sexual fantasy with me in the center of it. I told him I don't roll that way. He said I shouldn't be uptight everyone is doing it. I told him I wasn't everyone and don't appreciate such comments. He apologized promised not to do it again. The next time he tried it, I didn't even respond, I went straight to my 'del' button *thank God it works* and deleted him from my list. Someone said that was too harsh I should have just ignored him, I said no way. So people where do you draw the line.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Did she say she eloped?

When I was responding to my versatile blog award, I mentioned that I eloped to get married. I was quite happy nobody commented on that till Ginger with her eagle eye saw it and asked for the gist. It isn't much of a gist either but I promised to tell it.

Anyways, I met my husband at my place of work. He came to do a survey on branches from our head office * yes we both worked at the same bank*. We were attracted to one another and he was easy on the eyes. He was transferred to work at my branch and then I got to know him better. We were both sure we wouldn't date each other cos who dated their colleagues? The tension would be too much right? We became quick then great friends.  I knew he was especially fond of me and though I liked him a little too much I was just thinking I didn't want to date a fellow colleague and one in the same office with me. But we connected at a level that people felt something was going on.

He was then selected for a bank project and was transferred to a different branch outside of  our town. The night he was to leave he came to my house and after a lot of beating about the bush, he said, he wouldn't like to be the guy who saw a good thing and then allowed it to slip away from him because he thought he had time; there and then, he proposed to me and said i could give my answer anytime, he just wanted me to know that was how he felt. I jokingly told him that wasn't how it was done, even if I wanted to say yes, where was my ring? He promised to do it right. I knew him  well enough, my family knew him *my mom used to call him my brother*, i knew his folks and siblings but I wanted to pray about it.

To cut a long story short, we started dating and the next time he proposed * with a ring this time*, I said yes. We used to discuss the kind of wedding we would like to have. We both wanted something simple but our families wanted something more elaborate. He was on vacation and I had  already planned to spend a weekend with him, so he asked if I was ready to do this our own way, while we waited for the BIG wedding. I told him yes. In a small ceremony that he had organized, with a few witnesses, we exchanged our vows and a bible and became man and wife. After that weekend, I went back home and acted like nothing happened.  We had our wedding later that year in December.

Six years and 2 kids later, I am happy that I had a wedding for me. For us, we celebrate our wedding anniversary in April but every other person congratulates us in December.

PS: If my hubs should read this he will say I didn't tell the story well. Oh well, he is the story teller in our family. :-)

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Domestic Violence

Grandma Procrastination was really listening when I said I was going to post something the very next day and she made sure I didn't * that's me passing the blame for something i should have done that I didn't do.* Emotional affairs still coming up but I would like to talk about domestic violence today.

Tega did a registry wedding with her boyfriend, Ogagan, so she would be posted to Lagos state for her NYSC. So everyone was waiting for them to officially wed, maybe traditional or church later where they would invite people and be known as a married couple. Three years after NYSC, no wedding . So people, started asking Tega what the problem was; did she have a change of mind? She said everything was fine. They will do it one day. Two years after that, they still are not married, if you ask Ogagan, he will say he is ready; Tega says Ogagan wants to finish his MBA first before they settle down. Really it is nobodys business if they decide to do the traditional or whatever people want them to do, but you know people now. They were always asking. Some days Tega comes to work with a bruises on her body and she blames it on okada accidents. Nobody read anything to it cos she seemed happy and Ogagan also seemed to be the doting boyfriend/husband. No one knew that she was a punching bag at night. No one knew that Ogagan would go through her phone for text messages or calls from guys that he doesn't know and then make sure she explains to his satisfaction *which she doesnt do most times and he has already made up his mind to act the beast* Everyone heard about that bank staff whose husband butchered her and even Tega said the girl should have left before it got that bad.

People handle challenges in different ways. Some people write about it, Some people just plain write about anything, some people might have a confidante who they talk to. Tega got very close to one guy at work and she told him what she was going through. She enjoyed his company and though they didnt have any physical intimacy, they shared sexual fantasies. The guy wants her to leave Ogagan to save her life. She is scared cos she thinks Ogagan will fulfill his threat and haunt her if she dares leave him. Her family says she should stick it out cos maybe she is the cause of the beatings and you know men would always be men *SMH*

Now I ask, is it worth it marrying someone just to beat the NYSC system and remain in a particular state? Why would a woman stay with a man who thinks he is Sugar Ray and can box her at anytime? *I remember a friend I had once who in mirth will hit me on the back, though it wasn't painful o, I didn't wait to see what he would do if he is upset.* Why would society permit men to be crude all in the name that men will be men? Only men without self control and discipline hit women. What do you guys think?

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Blog Awards

Hi all,

I got a couple of awards *my very first awards* while I was away. *Thank you, thank you* Though I came on here today to do a post on emotional affairs, I decided to respond to those awards first. 

I was awarded the "One Lovely Blog" award by
and "Versatile blogger by @9ja Since the rules to these awards are similar, please grant me permission to fuse them into one. I want to thank you guys for thinking me worthy of these awards. I really appreciate it. 

Rules: One Lovely Blog and Versatile blog

Link back to the person who gave you the award
Complete the form below
Tell seven random things about yourself
Nominate 15 bloggers 

Favorite color: I love bright colors.

Favorite song:  Depends but  right now That Stupid song by Bez cracks me up with nostalgia

Favorite dessert: Apple Crisp

What pisses you off?: Bullies and rude people

When you are upset you:  Listen to music, Take a walk.

Your favorite pet: Does my blackberry count?

Black or white?: Both?

Your biggest fear: Not achieving my purpose in this life

Everyday attitude: Treat others the way I want to be treated

Your best feature: My body

What is perfection?
: God

Guilty pleasure: Shopping

7 Random things about myself:
I always see good in people.
Music makes me happy
Grandma Procastinator
I love children shows
I eloped
I have 2 kids
I love to read out loud in a quiet room

Once again, I thank a 9-ja great and Mike for the awards. I don't know how to link them to my post * covers face in shame*. As I have not discovered any new blogs lately, I give this award to all who like to play.

I have gist on emotional affairs that I want to share and hear your opinions. I will post that tomorrow* I hope you heard that grandma procastinator*

Sunday, September 4, 2011

...But the ultrasound...

Hi everyone. 2011 seems to be speeding by. We hit the -ember months few days back. Before we know it, we will be singing carols and welcoming 2012.

What's up with ultrasounds that will come up saying one thing and the other happens? A friend gave birth a couple of days ago and her ultrasound said she was going to have a girl. She went on a pink shopping frenzy. Bought girl clothes, cute captioned onesies,princess themed nursey,all the works and lo and behold she got a BOY.

Same thing happened before I had my last child. When I went for the ultrasound, I asked the technician
What I was having * I am one of those people who don't like surprises if I can help it* The guy asked if this was my first, I told him no that I had a girl the last time. He said it is hospital policy not to tell cos they've had cases where women who had all girls and who wanted a boy tried funny things like attempting suicide when they were told, a baby girl is in the oven.I told him I just needed to know so I would know what to get.He said you are having one like you. I heard that to mean I was having a girl. When I told my husband, he didn't believe cos of some old wives tales. I didn't argue. I was waiting for delivery then I will tell him I told you so *childish hmm?* Since I was having a girl, I didn't buy anything, I had more than enough from the last time.

After close to 8hrs of labour, I had the baby and the first thing my husband said was " I told u it was going to be a boy" I had my mouth open cos I thought the scan was always right and that I would be having a girl. So who is at fault now? Is it the technician that did not read the ultrasound right or it was a case of faulty machine? Would u like to know the sex of your baby before delivery or you would like to be plesantly surprised?

PS: I apologise for any typo I did this from my phone.

Thursday, August 25, 2011


Sometimes I just wonder what the problem is with people. I can't remember where I read where one blogger was lamenting about the throes of growing up and the expectations of  family, peers, society to do things a particular way or fit a particular mold or follow a particular pattern. As kids we could not wait to grow up, get into the REAL world; Real world being either college or a job. After the job, everybody thinks the next thing is  marriage and once you are married the next thing is having babies. As a newly married woman, once you say you are having a headache or a slight fever, people are asking " Abi e don enter?" So a girl can't have fever or headache again? Then if after a couple of months, you isn't pregnant, you will see and hear all sorts of things.

A friend of mine got married in November last year after a long search and wait for a partner. During the period of wait, people walked up to her in church, at work trying to hook her up with their brothers, friends, uncles etc There was even one church member that tried to hook her up with a married man whose family is in the US but he is ready to settle down in Nigeria, so they wanted her to be the Nigerian wife cos they felt at her age she shouldn't be choosy. What is that?

Anyways she got married and 8 months later people are asking her how far? Why isn't she pregnant. One 'concerned' person wrote a prescription for her, mind you, she is not a doctor o. According to "concerned" friend, she isn't acting like she is bothered and that it was obvious that she is not doing anything about it. I am thinking, can anyone be more bothered about this kind of situation, more  than the person actually experiencing it? If you want to grieve more than the bereaved, pray for the person. If  you are close  enough and she asks for your opinion or help that is when you can give your 2 kobo. Or am I wrong?

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Brume where are you?

When someone says there is nothing like looking for a missing child I never knew what it really meant. Of course I assumed that the parents will be mad with worry and so many scenarios will be playing on their minds of where the child might be; if someone had kidnapped the child etc.

I experienced it. And I don't wish it for anyone to look for a child, a spouse, sister, brother....

I decided to do an impromptu shopping on Friday. So I packed the kids and we took the bus to the mall. My 20 month old son was sleeping when we got there so everything was good. While I was checking summer clothes for them he woke up and wanted to get out of his stroller. Maybe I should have insisted he stayed in but since he normally just stays around me when he is off his stroller, I felt it was okay. We left the girl's section to go to the boys section, when his sister said "Mummy Brume is missing". I was like "what do you mean Brume is missing, he is right here". Then i looked around and didn't see him. We started calling out, looking around and we didnt see him. At that point i was already getting frantic, my calls were louder; we were running from one end of the outlet to the other. One cashier asked what the problem was, told her i was looking for my kid described what he was wearing. She now alerted the shop manager. Immediately they got the floor on lock-down. Staff were placed on every exit point while others went around looking for him. I was close to tears at this point. I was just praying and making all sorts of promises to God to keep my boy safe. I was out of my mind.

After 15minutes that felt like 24 hours , they found him in the toy sections riding a toy car. I was so happy to see him my heart became so light i wanted to scream for joy. Later I thought, why didnt I think of the toy section? I guess i was just to panicked to think straight. There is a game my husband likes us to play where we will give likely steps we will take if we faced any situation or challenge.I just used to indulge him; I didnt really like playing that game cos I was always like it is not my portion, God will not allow that happen to me, so why think about it when it will never happen? Though we never got around to playing what should be done if your child is missing, now I am the one thinking up situations and thinking about what I would do if I am faced. Even if it will not happen, there is nothing like being ready.

So I wondered at Casey Anthony whose child was missing and she didn't report it for 31 days was thinking? Anyways that is another gist.

The first step to take when you notice anyone is missing is to immediately report to the local law enforcement or in my case to the manager so everyone can be on the lookout.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Sexting II

So I had typed this long "turanchi' about Sexting and an argument I had with someone yesterday when I had to go for a diaper change and the little madam decided it was her turn to operate the laptop and she managed to delete my work. I had resolved I was going to put up something today regardless. Hence my question.

Thank you to all who have already responded to my one- liner. I really appreciate it.

One of the gist in the news this week is a Congressman who exchanged sexually explicit text messages and photos with a woman, who is not his wife. Initially when the photos of his "Okotete" came out, he said his twitter account was hacked and denied . Eventually he confessed that he was actually sexting a woman and when the photo got to the public , he panicked  then he lied. Sexting is a vice/hobby of the congressman cos he also confessed that he had been sexting several other woman for the past 5 years but he has not met up with any of them. He says his wife knows of his pastime but she didn't know of this recent one and people the wife is pregnant for him.

Now some guy was like everyone sends sexts and it was rather unfortunate that the congressman got caught but they shouldn't skin him for that.  After all that is one of the dividends of technology. He didn't hook up with any of the women, so the bottom line is that he did not cheat. I was like WTF?

a. The guy is already committed to someone else in marriage. He gave up that right to share his crown jewels with anyone but his partner.*except maybe in an open relationship, though I don't know how those operate*

b. He also betrayed his wife by lying not just to her but his constituency. A relationship built on lies will sometime crumble. It is just a matter of time

c. Even if twitter, Facebook and all the other social networks are signs of technological advancement that doesn't mean that they should be miss-used. The fact that a knife can be used to cut meat doesn't mean it is right for you to kill with it

Now I wonder why someone would want to send  pictures of themselves nude to someone else. Who wants to see it? Some people might say, it is okay to send photos as long as you are not committed to anyone. But really is it wise? What will be your plan when it comes out, cos it will, it is just time. The internet and all that comes with it is good but we shouldn't forget that what we post therein remains forever. Say you are dating someone and you decide to exchange nude pictures and maybe the relationship doesn't work out. What would you have gained? Let us be wise when we post things on the internet else we be haunted in the future.


Is Sexting cheating?

...To be continued

PS:  I had already typed this post but lost it somehow and I didn't want to give up posting today.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Gender Stereotypes

When a woman is pregnant, people always want to know what they are going to have. And you see people trying to guess the sex of the baby based on what the mother is going through. If the woman is beautiful, they will say it is a boy; if she isn't they say it is a girl cos the girl has taken all her beauty; If she is hairy on her legs, it is definitely a boy. Some people are so good at it, they can tell the sex from the way the mother is carrying the baby in her tummy. Some people will not divulge the sex of the baby till after birth when you probably see for yourself, while some people would not know the sex of the baby till after the baby is born. My MIL says if her kids are having boys she dreams of buying yam at the market. That was how she concluded I was having a boy when the technician who did my ultrasound said I was having a girl. Anyways this gist is by the way.

Sometime last week, there was a couple in the news who even after the birth of their baby have still not divulged the sex of baby. The only people who know the sex of the baby are the midwives and the other kids in the family. Everyone is keeping it a secret. I can just imagine what they go through trying to keep the sex of the baby a secret. The neighbors who saw her while she was pregnant will ask what she had and she will say a baby named Lagbaja. Of course what the neighbor wants to know is if it a boy or a girl.

I believe this couple have their reasons trying to raise their baby a gender neutral. They are trying in their own way to break the gender stereotypes we have in this world.  They are trying to fix the world in their own little corner.You cant fault them for their parenting style just because it is not the usual. In my own opinion  I thought they were just seeking attention.Their own 10minutes of fame and they got it.  Before the news no one knew them, probably no one knew they are "gender neutrals" and trying to raise their kids as such. And to think of  it, does anyone really care? No one cares about the sex of your baby but you.

Instead of trying to raise your child genderless, I think it is more important to bring up our children to be able to handle the stereotypes in the world.  Just like the dream of a race-less society remains just a dream, there will still be gender stereotypes.For example instead of teaching just  your girl child cooking  and home management, the boy should also be taught the same. I believe God made them boy and girl for a reason and we come with those differences. Where my daughter knows that she should pet her doll, my son is trying to pull the doll apart and then re-fix it.He doesn't know he is a boy, it just comes naturally.

Maybe I don't really know anything about being gender-less. I am a woman and I am not going to hide it * like I can right now* If people treat me  in certain ways because of my sex, I learn to deal with it. My sex is one of the things that make me who I am . If sex wasn't important why do trans-gender go through so much to choose one?

BTW wonders shall never cease in this obodo. I saw a boy who was dressed in a sun dress last week too. I thought that was weird and a bit too much. Ah han!

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Blogger finally gave me permission to blog again. I think they had an extension on my page because when people said it was okay, I was still having error messages.  The good thing is that I got all my comments back. Yay!! Then I had issues with my internet but I guess I am having a good break now.

I had some bad news last week. When everyone was talking about Arnold "Sperminator" Schwarzenegger and how his wife found out he had a child with one of his domestic staff, I also found out one of my relations who has been married for close to 20 years is having an affair with a University student in Nigeria. He lives in the US with his family and according to the gist, he wants to bring the girl over. It came as a shock to everyone cos he is one of those people that you would think would never cheat *not that it is written on his forehead* Now the wife who I got very close to since we moved is contemplating divorce if the girl makes it to the US. The kids are so broken. Everyone is confused. My husband, Mr. O, says he was jazzed. But my opinion is that  if he didn't look for trouble in the form of being an "aristo", he wont be in this mess.

It is shocking to hear these days that a woman will say she will not have surgery for the safety of her life and her baby because she wants to deliver like the Hebrew women of old. People prefer vaginal delivery but when it comes to life and death issue, please cut me and let's all live. I lost a friend this past week after childbirth. She had blood pressure issues all through the pregnancy and i think the doctor suggested a C-section but she said she wanted to push. She had the baby then died an hour later. I don't know what the doctors did or didn't do. I remember when I was due to have my first baby and she was 2 weeks late. I admitted myself in the hospital and asked for them to do whatever needs to be done. I wanted to have a c-section but my doctor said i couldn't just decide that at that late stage. Mr. O had to sign the consent form before anything could be done. He was in Ghana then. So they induced labor. I was in labor but wasn't dilating. And for those who have experienced induced labor, we know how "sweet" it is. To cut a long story short, after being in labor for 2 days, Mr. O came and  I had a c-section. This my late friend told me i was lazy, i should have stuck it out and insisted on having a vaginal delivery. I jokingly told her she should do that when it is her turn; and now I don't feel good that she did just that and she is no more. Now there is a baby that will not see his biological mother cos she died after bringing him to this world. May her soul rest in peace. Amen.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011


Please can someone help me. I cant find the blogs I follow on my Reading List. I added them on Monday again only to come back on tuesday and my dashboard is empty. Is blogger doing something new now?

Can someone please throw some light to how I can get my list back again and let it stay this time?

Thank you

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Yahoo yahoo: Maga no need pay.....

This wasn't what I wanted to talk about today, but after going through my mails and seeing  an average of 10 scam mails from different people I don't know but who call me "Friend" and who think I can be of help to them in clearing their millions of dollars and/or  pounds, I decided to talk about it.

Am I the only one still receiving these yahoo-yahoo mails? I thought with the awareness out there on the way they operate and the fact that people are more wary these days with the economic depression,no extra money to spare and all, that their business has reduced. From all indications this is not the case. They are still out there and the sad thing is that people might still be falling prey. 

Yahoo-yahoo is what oyinbo people will call Internet scams. They have different levels of operating. Some of them will call you on the phone and say one of your relations sent you something from overseas and then will either give you a number to call to get the address where you can go and pick up the items. I don't know how this type ends or how they eventually get money off  the victim;but for them to be doing it that means people are falling for it. My mum almost fell for one these scammers once. The guy called her mobile number and said someone sent her some things from London. We have an uncle in London, so she readily believed that it was true. What gave the guy away was when she from nowhere asked him for the name of the person who was sending the stuff, he now mentioned an Ibo name whereas my uncle has a typical Urhoboh name. Immediately the guy knew he had blown his cover he hung up the phone. That is how they didn't chop my mum that day.

The most common one is the one I have flooding my email. The scammer will send a mail that he is the Assistant Director in one ambiguous bank in West Africa and how they have so much money belonging to a deceased customer and how the bank wants to move the money to a reserved account as abandoned funds. Since he is a sharp guy and also believes he is sending the mail to a fellow "sharpie" that will also seize the opportunity to make a quick one. The sum of money they talk about is always millions of dollars*like it is possible to have that kind of money and just forget it. In this case I am sure the guy will eventually ask the victim to send some money to him, so can clear the millions into his account and this can continue as long as the victim thinks there is one money he will receive from somewhere. After all how much is some thousand dollars to the millions he will get at the end of the deal? I do not come to you by chance written by Adaobi Nwaubani talks about internet scams in her novel.

It is rather unfortunate that Nigeria has gotten a bad name for this. There are many  people who are doing good business, working hard and trying to show the outside world that we can also be known for good things.

My time is up. I leave you with this video  Maga no need pay. Enjoy

Friday, April 22, 2011

I have a routine everytime I come up to my blog; I first of all read blogs posted by the people I follow. Sometimes I comment and when I don't comment it is probably because what I have to say on the subject might pass as a post too. So instead of writing an epistle on someone's blog, I decide to come on here and put up the epistle. But......I end up not doing it. Reasons being that I spend so much time reading up and eventually not posting anything.

When I decided to blog, I didnt really know what I was going to do with it. Was I going to talk about my life as a mum or as a wife or even as a woman ? Was I going to just do poetry or try my fingers and brain on short stories? I still havent made up my mind. Maybe it will be a little of  all of them.

Just wanted to put this up and congratulate myself on my second post. Thanks to all who came around on my first post, I really appreaciate it. I thought nobody would ever read it but I guess I thought wrong.

Life is a precious gift not everyone can have
So when we have life we should be as thankful as we can
Thankful for the gift of sight, as some were born blind and others developed blindness
Thankful for speech and the gift of saying "I love you" to the ones we love cos there are still others who cannot talk and the words in their hearts will never be heard 
Thankful for the gift of hearing as there are some who are thus impaired
Thankful for good health as there are some who are sick and dying and might never be able to realize their dreams;
So be thankful for the gift of life for many still wish for it and will never have it back 

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Child Abuse Must Stop

I read somewhere that the month of April is the month of "awareness on child abuse". I dont know who decides what month stands for what or maybe it is justa case of someone saying this month will be so and so and gathering all her friends on blogger, facebook, twitter and other networks to put out the word. Anyways, since I heard that, it really got me thinking about how children are abused today or how the society terms abuse these days. This is not to say that children are not abused or to take this topic lightly because that is not the case at all. There are really some horrific stories of cases of abuse out there and we all pray that it doesnt happen to our kids or anyone we know but then how do we ensure this doesnt really happen? That is why people really have to know what child abuse is and how to put out the word.

Children can be abused  Physically, Sexually, Emotionally Mistreated and or Neglected.  There is no need looking out to say the child can only be abused outside the home cos most child abuse cases happen in the home.

As I said, hearing that it is important that we put out the word on child abuse got me thinking how sometimes I am also guilty of abusing my own kids. Yeah, yeah I am all for not spanking the kids especially in frustration, but just a few days ago I gave Oke a sharp pat on her bum in a lavatory of an airplane cos she had worn my patience thin. When it happened I tried to justify my action by saying she was just being naughty and I was trying to put her back in line so she knows not to repeat it, but deep down, I knew I had done wrong. For crying out loud she is just 2.5 years old; she woke up early for the flight and she must have just been as cranky as I was and the only way she culd express it was in what I viewed as "being naughty". Hitting, Punching,Striking, Kicking, Physical aggression, pulling of ears, Slapping, Konking are all forms of physical abuse on the child. This is wrong and should be stopped. Child Abuse must stop.

When I was growing up I had this funny laugh, everyone in my house called me a monkey.I probably laughed like one too. Nobody in my house saw it like a case of child abuse, cos it was just a joke. But deep down i didnt feel good about being called a monkey, so for a while I stopped really laughing, so I wont be called a monkey even by outsiders. It took a lot of work to build back my self esteem and love for myself.
Name calling, Excessive Criticism and  Ridicule are all forms of Emotional Abuse. This is Child abuse and must stop.

The most popular type of child abuse we have in our society today is Neglect. Child Neglect is not only when the child lacks food, clothing,shelter,education  and/or medical. It is also when the child doesnt experience affection, or when the child is brought up in an enviroment where there is spousal abuse or parental substance abuse. This is Child Abuse and must stop

The scariest of them all *at least to me* is the sexual abuse.  The extent to which children can be abused sexually are almost limitless. This includes but not limited to sexual contact against the child, indecent exposure of the genitals to the child, showing the child pornography,viewing of the child genitals, using the child for pornography.

Child Abuse must stop, hence the awareness cos most times the effect of child abuse might not be so obvious except in the case of physical abuse. So even as we put out the word that child abuse must stop, we must also do our homework to protect our kids from abuse. We should watch those who come into our homes as relatives or workers and the way they relate with the kids cos the stories of "uncles" , "houseboys" and housegirls abound.