Thursday, May 24, 2012

What is happening to our children?

I got a link this morning from 3 different people of a video that they said was going viral. Everyone was watching it, passing it round so people would be careful. It is the video of an 13 year old girl assaulting a 4 year old boy. I couldn't bring myself to watch it, so I asked one of the people who sent it, who did the video; she said probably an adult who was peeping, saw them and did the video. I had a myriad of feelings at that point.

I felt pity for the little boy who wasn't aware that he was being molested by the girl  who mommy and daddy brought to the house to take care of him when they went to work or their business. He must be thinking it is alright and all part of living.

I felt sorry for the girl who lost her innocence at an early age, tasted sex and wanted to continue to satisfy her hunger for the forbidden fruit, with nowhere to turn to but to take advantage of the little boy in her care.

I felt sorry for the parents, who live in a society where they have to work extra hard to put food on the table, clothes on the back, roof above the head, pay school fees and take care of their family.

I felt anger at the video operator who shot this video. You see this kind of thing happening and instead of stopping them  and reporting to the parents, you decided to do a video, for what? Evidence that you caught them or propagating child pornography?

I felt anger at the society that has ensured that both parents must work outside the home to provide for the family. Most parents leave home very early and return back late at night, they barely know what their kids are up to most of the time. Most work weekends too and when they are not working they are trying to catch up on rest.

I felt anger at parents who decided unknowingly to put their businesses or work before their children. Everyday we complain about the attitudes and character of the younger generation, but who would blame them? Parents who should be role models are not present, children these days spend so much time alone or with caregivers.

I am not sure of the statistics but I heard that 3 out of 5 boys were sexually molested as children. Many boys lose their virginity to househelps. Yesterday a friend of mine told me of one of her clients; Her 11year daughter was impregnated by her 19 year old cousin who lived with them. The girl was 4 months gone before the mom even found out. Since it was a family scandal, the boy was just sent to the village to stay with another member of the family.To save family name he has gone free. He is in the village now and will probably look for a little girl to abuse. Busy parents from the city will go to the village to get a small girl who they think knows nothing but work to come take care of their children not knowing they are exposing their homes and children. The girl in the video was molested too. Someone took her innocence. Boys are also molested by house-helps and sometimes relatives but  they don't get in the news cos some feel there is no real damage done to the boy. That is so wrong. Now this 4 year old has also lost his innocence only God knows what he will become in his teenage years. It  is such a vicious cycle.

We can't be too careful about our children. It is better to be paranoid cautious than sorry.

PS: Myne did a post with tips on what to look out for about child molestation. You can read it here

Monday, May 21, 2012

Hi all,

I hope you all are okay and enjoying the beautiful weather * it is beautiful right now, where I am and I am just soaking it all up*

Just last week, the Time Magazine had a cover that got people talking. It was the picture of a mother breastfeeding a 3 year old boy. Most people were really bothered about the cover. Some people commented on the look on the boy's face * these boobies belong to me hehehe*, some on the fact that he is no longer a baby and still nursing,  others on the probability that the boy might be bullied as the boy who nursed forever when he goes to school and some on the cover caption," Are you mom enough?

We had our share of the cover debate in our home too. The lil' miss practically weaned herself off the breast. She never enjoyed taking breast milk from the bottle so when I resumed work after 4 months, my days breast feeding her were numbered. She gave me a month and afterwards, she just refused to be nursed. So daddy thought that was the way all kids roll. Welcome baby No. 2,  at  1year he was still nursing full time. My husband couldn't understand it, he was like, shouldn't he have stopped nursing by now? After forced withdrawal, he was finally weaned at 15 months. So with the TIME cover, it sparked the conversations again.

I haven't read the TIME article yet, but what I gathered from TV is that the article was talking about  Attachment Parenting as  explained by Dr. Williams Sears who redefined the relationship between mom and baby, the author of The Baby Book and other parenting books.  This form of parenting advocates bonding with baby before and after birth, breastfeeding baby as long as he/she wants it, sleeping with child on the same bed, wearing baby in a sling instead of carrying them in strollers etc.
Most of us have enjoyed derivatives of  attached parenting * though it wasn't called that*. We were  breastfed even to our toddler years * maybe I should speak for myself*, we co-slept with our moms and we were carried on the back wherever she went* more for convenience than the thought that they were practicing attached parenting* So this form of parenting is not new to us. So why are they making it an issue?*spoken like a Nigerian woman* Maybe TIME wants to score a double goal of pitching moms against one another and at the same time sell copies? Or maybe they just want to bring an awareness to this type of parenting. I guess I need to read the article to find out and then do a proper post.

Anyway, it is the desire of any parent that their child grows up to be strong, well adjusted, compassionate and independent. Whichever way they decide to parent be it by attachment or by tiger method, as far as this goal is achieved, they are happy.

So what do you think of this TIME cover?

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Let's play tag.....You are IT

Hi all,

Thanks DHK for tagging me in the TAG 11. * I am almost collapsing. You see, Gmama procastinator is on vacation and I don't intend for her to come back, I am taking my life back and staying on top* Now to the rules of this game:

** Post rules
** Post 11 random things about yourself
** Answer questions posted by the person who tagged you
**Create 11 questions and tag 11 people to answer your questions
**Notify those tagged of the game
** Notify the person who tagged you after you have answered the questions
** No tag backs

Now to the game

11 random things about myself

1. I am Urhobo by birth (from the south)

2. I schooled in the North( Secondary sch), West (University) and served in the East (NYSC). That makes me a well rounded Nigerian

3. When I was a little girl, I dreamed of having a large family of at least 10 children.... but I grew up

4. I love moi-moi

5. I rarely write in shorthand that is why I rarely tweet * that is the story I am standing by*

6. I love dancing silly

7. I prefer snakes and ladder to ludo

8. I never get tired of speaking about child abuse.

9. I love Indian movies

10. I love music

11. Homeschooling on my mind but I don't think I am disciplined enough.

Now to DHK's questions:

1. What hairstyle are you currently rocking?- Box braids

2. How long did you spend in Primary school? 6 years

3. What is your naughtiest moment? Kissing my husband in public

4.How do you express anger? I handle anger depending on how vexed I am. I could write, go for a walk or a run, scream. But once I am calm, I like to talk about it.

5. What would you spend your last penny on? I dont know, maybe food

6. When was the last time you treated yourself to a niceeeeeeeee warm fod? This morning

7. Who was the last person you said " I love you " to? My son

8. What is your favorite take away dish? Hmmmm, no favorites.

9. How do you eat in public, spoon, knife, fork or hands, quiet, slow, fast etc? Depends on what I am eating. Rice, moi-moi- spoon; pasta- fork; swallow- fingers. I eat quietly

10. Do you polish your shoes? No, not in a lonnnnnnng while

11. What are your thoughts on after life? There is life after this one.

Now to my own questions
1. What is your middle name?
2. Favorite food?
3. Favorite board game?
4. Favorite Nigerian musician?
5. Education or fame?
6. What grinds your gears?
7. Books or movies?
8. Favorite movie
9. Earth, Wind, Water or Fire? Which describes you?
10. Legacy? What would you like to be remembered for?
11. If you are not you, who would you like to be?

You are it. I  tag:

1. @moi frequency
2. A pencil and a heart
3. @9ja great
4. another shot
5. Atary
6. Blessing's outlet
7. Relentless Builder
8. P.E.T projects
9. Ginger's blog
10. Fluffycutething
11.Lady Ngo

Thank you

Monday, May 7, 2012

Liebster Award

Hey people,

This is another award with a German title. It means 'Beloved, Favorite, Dearest. This award is for bloggers who inspire you but who also have less than 200 followers. My thanks go to Mike and DHK for giving me this award. Thanks for all the love guys. God bless you.

The terms for accepting this award

**Link back to the person who gave you the award and thank them

Thank you very Mike and DHK for this award

** Post the award to your blog


** Give the award to 5 bloggers you appreciate and value (it is a great way to get the words out there about other blogs)

I nominate the following bloggers:

Life Experiences
Lady Ngo
Joy of my world
Inyamu's eldorado

** Leave a comment on the 5 blogs to alert them on the award.

Thank you

Versatile Blogger Award

Hi all,

Happy new month*this is just the 7th day so I guess the month is still new*. I hope you all are doing good and making the best of what life is throwing your way. I am trying to do the same and my prayer everyday is not to miss the reason for this time. I dont want to enjoy it so much and forget the lessons or to lament and complain so much and forget that it is supposed to be a learning point. 

Anyway, this is the award season and I got a couple. Thank you to all the beautiful people who think I am deserving. First off, I will be accepting the Versatile blogger award that was given to me a long time ago by Rhapsody. I got the notice for this award and entered a funk. *covering face in shame*

Thank you very much Rhapsody for this award. Though it is coming very late, better late than never. I really appreciate it. Thank you.

The condition for this award is:

  **Link back to the person who gave the award RHAPSODY PHOENIX
  **Share 7 things about yourself

  1.  I read at least 2 books at a time not because I am a fast reader but cos I always  love to read a bit of romance while I read something else.

2. I  am currently reading the Secret Life of Baba Segi's wives and The naked truth

3. I cannot form a bedtime story that will make any sense, I prefer to read from a book most times

4. I just love to photograph my kids

5. I just might have a flower garden sometime in the future

6. I am learning how to sew

7. I love music.

Pass on the award to other bloggers you find interesting and inform them about the award: Since I have already 'carried last' in this regard and I think most people have already accepted and done this award, I pass on this award to anyone who hasnt already done it.

Thank you.