Hi all,

Happy February. February is considered the month of love as Valentine day is celebrated on the 14th of the month. As for me, I just like new beginnings. I love fresh starts. This is another time to look back on what happened in January, take stock, set goals and re-strategize. Boring , right?

A special thank you to everyone who left a comment on my last post. I am sure I wasn't the only one who enjoyed reading them. There were a lot of opinions and lessons shared. Thanks for taking out time to share.


I was at the hair salon the other day and  a lady came in to make her hair. You know how african salons are. The gists are always loud. So this lady was talking about her son who weighs 40lbs at 12months. Everyone oohed and aahed at the baby's size and different  subtle gists of "my child is bigger than yours" to "my child hit developmental milestones before yours" hit the salon for a while. This got me thinking. Is having a child bigger than his/her age child a good thing? Is it something worth bragging about?

My 3 year old daughter looks like a 5 year old in height and size and it worries me sometimes. People expect so much from her* I am guilty of this too sometimes* and I am like she isn't that old enough to speak that well, think like that or coordinate her activities like that cos she is just 3. I find myself explaining to strangers. Some days i just wished people would see her and see her age. 

Sometimes I feel like when it comes to children's growth, parents are infatuated with speed. We want our children to grow up fast. We are bothered if other children their age can do something and they can't. Why not just let them grow at their God given pace? Sometimes I see myself stressing my kids and probably pushing them unnecessarily, I have to catch myself and scream at myself to stop. In a bid to raise exceptional children, I am subtly saying that normal is not good. My actions sometimes scream "grow up faster and better so that you will not be left behind". I am gradually stealing their freedom.


Note to self: In as much as I want the best for my children, I should let them grow at their God given pace. I would encourage them, appreciate their childhood and values while still maintaining reasonable discipline.

Is Divorce Trending?

 "The first five years of marriage are the most difficult years. You guys are  just getting to know each other in the confines of marriage. So expect disagreements, frictions, power tussle, compromise etc". That was what one of the coordinators at the marriage preparatory classes said. She made it sound like once you cross the 5 year mark, you are probably safe from divorce. So part of the class was how to settle issues during the first years of marriage to keep you 'safe from divorce'. 

When I heard this morning that Seal and his wife of 7 years confirmed that they can no longer stay together as man and wife, the first thing that came to my mind was that they didn't learn how to be safe from divorce since they have already crossed the 5 year mark. I joke. Jokes aside though, a couple who renew their vows  and share new promises every year, have 4 children together and they seem like the power couple and  role models to young Hollywood couples, made me ask, Is divorce trending? Is divorce the New Age marriage? 

"We have had the deepest respect for one another throughout our relationship and continue to love each other very much, but we have grown apart" Is love supposed to separate or unite?

Coming close to home, one of my friends says she cant stand her husband anymore. They are just housemates who have children together. They both understand that they are not feeling it any more but  they are just staying together for the kids. One of my uncles after 18 years of marriage has decided that he cant bear his wife anymore cos she is too old and disorganized so he needs her out and a younger woman in, that is by the way sha.

Maybe we don't have a realistic view of marriage; Maybe we are blinded by what we see in the movies;Maybe we are not thoughtful, kind and appreciative of our spouse; Maybe we think marriage will just work itself out. But how can we do all it takes to make our career work, to learn as much as we can and not think that we have to work at our marriage? How can we spend time and money to develop ourselves and not think that we also need to spend time and * yes* money to develop a relationship that we claim to be important to us? How can we do all it takes to give our children the best and not think of giving our relationship the best?

I am just thinking here.

To Stay or To Work

Hi all,

I hope everyone is enjoying the New Year. Though it started on a rough note for Nigerians with the removal of subsidy on gas, it also opened the people's eyes to the height of corruption displayed by the leaders. People came together to protest but it turned out that the corruption did not skip the labor tent. The subsidy was increased, people felt betrayed but people are moving on.

So far I haven't been doing badly with the goals I set for this month.#patting myself on the back# but it is just 20 days into the year so anything can still happen right?  I have managed to keep my phone away from tea parties and I have been able to spend quality time with my family without distractions from my phone or T.V. I have also  put in 'Me' time twice since the year started. As for sleep I have been doing 5 hrs straight and I think that is a good start. Exercise is a different thing. I haven't done much in that area except maybe dance to Flavour *does that count?* 

After I had my first baby and I had to go back to work, I found it a bit difficult juggling everything. I had no help in the house, my husband was away on official assignment abroad, I had to wake up early everyday, drop my baby off and then after work pick her up from my mom. Though my mom wanted me to stay over at her place till I got a help or my husband got back, I guess I didn't want to impose and I was a tad stubborn those days* I wanted to be a supermom, rme* It got so bad that I had a discussion with my husband that if he  would pay me half of what I was making working, I was going to stay at home and take care of the baby. Ofcourse he said no. Then I got a house help and my MIL came around so things eased up.

As a working mom, everyday I found it very difficult to leave my child to go to work. I am sure it was more difficult for me than her. I called home when I was free to bombard my MIL with silly questions like "was she playing well? is she smiling etc" I just felt like I was missing out. I felt guilt that my work kept me away and I didnt witness her  first steps, The first time she ate eba, the first time she counted to 5, the first time she said "dadi," which by the way was her first word etc. I felt like I failed.

The past year, I have stayed home with my children, enjoyed all their milestones. And I am here wondering why I felt like I was missing in the first place. There are good days, days that i felt like this is how it was meant to be and  then there are days I just wished I had a job outside the house. Staying at home with my children everyday is a constant test in patience, perseverance, humility...and might I add absence of privacy

I was watching a morning show last week and they were discussing the cold war between working moms and stay at home moms. Stay at home moms feel they are better than the working moms because they made a choice to stay at home and take care of their family and the working moms are viewed as selfish for working. One working mom shared a story of when she had an elbow pain and she had to go see the doctor. The nurse at the doctor's office first asked if she stayed home with the kids when she said no, the nurse went ahead to tell her that her elbow was bothering her because she is trying to do too much when all she should do is to stay home with her kids. Meanwhile the woman went in for her elbow o.

I smell envy and resentment of the working mom in most of the arguments cos she chose to have an identity outside of the home. I believe that as long as a mom is comfortable with whatever decision she has chosen, the children will do well either way. If as a working mom, you carry loads of guilt, always wishing you were home with your kids, you might not give your best at work and the time spent with your kids, you don't want to let them go. If as a stay at home mom you are resentful, bored and depressed after giving up your day job, your kids might not be as happy as they would be if they went to day care. Do what makes you happy and don't resent the person who has made a decision different from yours.


Image from Bing images

Would you be a working mom or a stay at home mom?

Happy New Year

Hi everyone,

Happy New Year. It might  be 10 days into the new year  and considered old by some people, but a baby born 10 days ago is still considered a new born. We can still hug one another like it is the 1st of the day of the year. I wish you all a wonderful year ahead.

I received the book I won on Coy Introvert's end of year giveaway this morning. She packed the book so well with beautiful wrapping paper, my daughter asked if  Santa  had come again. She also attached a handwritten card. The content of the card` is what I will like to share with everyone * since I can't share the book*.

Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result but the cause of fear. Perhaps the action you will take will be successful: perhaps different; action and adjustments will have to follow. But any action is better than no action at all.  Norman Vincent Peale

May you be able to explore all the opportunities you come across this new year. Remember "any action is better than no action at all"   Coy Introvert



Happy New Year.

New Year and other things

Hello everyone,

First off I will like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a wonderful 2012. I hope you guys had fun and spent time with family, friends and loved ones. Christmas was okay for me too. I missed attending midnight mass as we normally do to usher in the Christmas. The parish we attend here had their Christmas eve vigil mass at 4pm. There is one thing I didnt miss though; the firecrackers or as we called it, "Banger" or "knock-out". I dreaded the season because of those things. They will not allow you walk on road without throwing it at you; if you choose to stay indoors, they will not allow you rest with all the noise. People having "Banger battles" and disturbing the peace of the neighborhood. They say they are just enjoying themselves and relaxing. I wonder how you can relax with all that loud ra-ta-tat noise? Maybe I am just a Grinch.

A very huge thank you to all those who took out time to read and comment on my last post. I appreciate all the words of advice and encouragement. I totally agree with all the comments regarding what I want to do with my blog. This is my space and I am allowed to administer as I wish. For my new followers, thank you for joining my cruise.

2011 is fast drawing to a close and I am sure most people are reviewing the year and making resolutions for the coming year. I am not really a New Year resolution person. I can't remember the last time I made a list of things I would like to achieve at the beginning of the year. However, I am a huge believer in fresh starts, taking time to refocus and prioritize. I make weekly, monthly goals * I just love to tick off when I achieve something*. That said, 2012 might be different as I see myself setting goals for the new year because it is the new year.

So far, I have 3 things on my  list. The first on the list is Quality Time. Spending quality time with my family without the distraction of T.V, smart-phones, books etc. Lately I realized I got another appendage attached to my hand named my smart-phone. I am always fiddling with it. It got so bad one day, my daughter after asking for something more than once and i just said okay and not giving  her what she wanted as i didn't even hear her, she took the phone and i felt like a teenager being scolded by her mom. She also banned my phone from her tea parties. *She said I am supposed to use my hands to hold the tea cup and eat the imaginary cake *So for the coming year, I will take at least 30minutes to just be with my family. Just talking and enjoying the company.Quality time will also extend to myself. I will ensure I take my alone times too.

Exercise is also on my list. I didn't do too good in this area the past couple of months and with the chop-and- quench attitude of the holidays, exercising  is on my mind. As I stuff myself with every delicious morsel, I am thinking of my bumbum..... So for a start I will put in 20minutes then build up from there. The last thing on my list is Sleep. Most days I wake up not refreshed and then have to rush into the day. I have been living on 5hr energy drink. I am sure those things have their side effects but no one is saying now. So in the new year, I plan to have at least 6-7hrs of sleep every night. That means shifting the kids bedtime an hour earlier.

Anyone with New Year resolutions and plans on how to meet them?

Who is faster

Hi friends,

Happy new month to everyone. This is the last month in 2011 and I am a believer that something can still be achieved this year. it is not over till it is over and God's willing we will all usher in 2012.

Since I  started writing here, I have been thinking of the path I want this blog to follow. I know it is my space and can write whatever  i like here but still feel like should have a niche. What do you guys think? I find myself wanting to write about parenting, relationships, general topics etc.  I guess would figure that out lter.

Is it really true that girls are faster than boys in the early years developments or it is just something that we have read and after a long time believe? I have a boy and a girl. My daughter stopped breastfeeding on her own at 5months, I came back from work one day and she just refused to nurse. She favored her bottle. At that time, I was sad cos I felt like she didn't need me anymore. Fastword to a year later, my son cannot get enough of that stuff. I stopped breastfeeding him at 15months  and that was cos my hubs intervened. Potty training, the li'l Miss was potty trained at 2.  Brume is still in pull-ups. He refuses to use the potty at 26months. Just this morning when I laid out his clothes minus  his Pull-up. He said "mam no chu-chu * the underwear had a train on it* If I leave that boy he will still be in diapers at 5. Maybe I overindulge him, I am now on 'Operation Pottytrain Brume  before 2012'. So I ask are girls faster than boys?

.

Mom, no hitting

Hi guys, it has been a while I wrote something on here. Thanks to @9ja-great and Che who sent me birthday wishes on my day. My birthday had one of the coolest dates this year 111111. Another cool date is 91011 and another cool date is 20112011. Why am I even talking about dates sef? I hope everyone is doing well. For those facing any kind of challenge, be calm, this too shall pass.

I remember growing up and whenever anyone be it sisters or friends beat me, and I came back crying, my folks always asked why I was crying instead of beating my own back. Ofcourse most times, scratch that, I never beat my own back. When it got too much I just stayed out of the way of anyone I felt might use their fist on me. I didn't think my folks did any wrong by saying what they did, cos that was the time.

Now I have kids and we have a "no-hitting" rule at our house. You don't hit people and if you are hit, you say no hitting and report whoever hit to mom or dad. It has worked so far. Don't get me wrong, they still hit one another but they know it is wrong. One day, I had had enough of the reports of "mom, brume hit me", "mom K hit me". So when I heard another report, I just told my daughter, "go hit your own back". She told me No. No hitting, hitting is bad. I was taken aback cos a part of me felt like I was raising kids who only use their words and not their fist. I was worried that people might take them for granted and want to bully them.*just like I was bullied*. I was happy though that they were listening and trying to practise whatever I teach them. My fear now is that people might call them weaklings. Sometimes our people respect aggressiveness. My MIL can not stop regaling tales of how young Onos*the hubs* used to show people that offended him. What do you guys think? Should children be thought how to fight and defend themselves instead.My kids are under 4years, am I just being a worry wart?

Have a great day.