Safe driving with children

Hi friends,

Hope everyone is doing good and enjoying the May flowers? I know I am, they just make every where look more beautiful and they definitely cheer me up. Hmm-mmm-mmm

So yesterday I had children in my car, *like, I ever drive around without one or more kids in the car* But I am talking about kids other than mine; kids who are not aware of the rules I have in the car about seat belts; kids who have never seen or experienced the panic that attacks me, if they take off their seat belts for whatever reason while I am still driving. Yes, those kids.

So one of them took off her seat belt to get a toy that she had dropped on the floor. Immediately I realized that she was off her car seat trying to get said toy, I panicked. I was transported back 2 years ago.....

It was a Sunday evening, I was home alone with the children. My house-help went for a class and I wanted to go to my mom's. I had no car seats for my kids because they were always carried whenever we went out *error*. The sensible thing was to wait for my help to get back so we would all go together to my mom's and she would carry my 9 month old as we usually did. I was impatient. I was thinking to myself, the drive is less than 5 minutes, my mom lived a street away, what harm could happen? I forgot about  the terror of  okadas. I was almost at my mom's house when one okada came out of nowhere and to prevent hitting him, I stepped on my brakes forgetting that I had a baby not properly strapped at the back. Before I could say jack, my baby was on the floor crying, his older sister was trying to pull him up only to come up with blood on her hands. I dont know how I made it the rest of the way but it wasnt funny. Spent hours at the hospital that evening. Thank God, the cut on his head wasnt deep so he didnt need stitches. The enjoyable evening  I envisioned became one of worry, tears and 'had-i-knowns'. So from that day, I was preaching the gospel of children must be properly strapped  in their car seats.

....Sister Calm deserted me at that moment. As I was telling her to get back on her seat and fix her seat belt, on the same breath I was asking my son why he didnt stop her from taking her seat belt off* wonder what a 3+ could have done* I was also looking for an available spot to park and make sure she gets strapped properly before we continue on our journey. I was so scared that the worst could happen. I was super glad when I dropped them off at home. Only for me to see a small child seated on the center console of a car, playing with another child in the car who was seated properly while the mom was looking for a parking spot at the mall. I just shuddered. I was scared all over again for the mother.Ehn!

 
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Children must be restrained in a moving vehicle at all times no matter how short the distance.
Children must ride at the back of car either in an appropriate car seat or booster seat.  Children below 13 must sit at the back.
Everyone must be buckled up on every ride.
And that is my gospel of safe driving with children.

What are your own tips for driving with kids?

Hello, May

Happy New Month

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Yay!!! May is here!  May the fruit of our labor be nourishing and sweet.

And yes, I will do better this month.

Social media....

Happy New month friends. April is here!!! Did anyone get fooled on the 1st? Or did you fool anyone?  I didn't even fool anyone on that day but I got fooled by a few people and as it wasn't in excess or anything bad like accident or death, it was alright. I think the April fool pranks where you say living people died or they were involved in a fatal car accident are really scary for me, I don't know if I can take that kind of prank.

Social media has made the whole world more accessible and everyone is in everyone's business. Getting information and connecting with people is almost like blinking. The whole thing gives me a  high sometimes knowing that I have that power on the palm of hands; Facebook, Twitter, Google, LinkedIn,  etc. Reaching out to people, sharing your own views on issues, sharing your experiences, everything is just so easy now. 

 But there is good and bad to all this exposure. We seem not to know when to just shut down and talk to people face to face.  You see people out for lunch/dinner, church, theater and they are glued to their smartphones or taking furtive glances at it. It is just like we can't stop. We want to read what people are saying, see what they are wearing or doing, who they are getting engaged to or marrying, how they are bringing up their kids and we just don't know how to connect with someone face to face or maybe we don't see the need anymore. I am also guilty of this sometimes. I catch myself sending texts or links to my husband even when he is back home. I don't follow social media that much but when I do, I get caught  in the discussions, back and forth arguments or fights, potty throwing etc and it just makes me wonder sometimes. We are saying so much with our fingers but have forgotten how to say the same things with our lips.

The other day, I was listening to a  program on radio and the question was, can you give up social media if your partner said so? Most of the callers said never. They could never give up twitter, Facebook and the rest of them for anyone cos social media was an outlet for all the craziness and creativity in them. It sounded like mankind didn't experience quality living before social media. How were we handling all our creativity and craziness before? Whatever happened to hobbies?Now our hobbies are tweeting....

Where do we draw the line on flirting, cheating with social media? Some say they are just  fooling around words and should not mean anything, I think they mean something though. That is the root of emotional cheating. Are words not supposed to be like bonds? A written word more so? Hmmmm.

To be continued...... I think


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I will keep in touch

I heard or found out something that kept me in the dumps today. It made me realize one more thing that I need to work on my self.
You know that friend who rarely keeps in touch? That person who no one really knows what is going on in their lives cos they tend to live on their own "island"? Or even when they know what is going on, it is very general things, no serious details? I bet you will see my picture to that definition in the dictionary * if there is anything like that* I am so bad that I can lose my phone for days on end and not panic that people cannot reach me or I cannot reach people.I am bad like that. * covers face in shame* I remember when I first got married, my MIL was happy that at least she will get someone that will be calling her frequently cos her son is not the calling type; Oh boy, she didn't know she was getting a daughter worse than her son in that department.

Today, I found out a very good friend I had growing up, passed on 2 years ago. We met in primary school and we hit it off fast and became friends. We lived on the same long stretch of street, we had birthdays days apart and we had a passion for books, most of our mates then didn't understand why we would even read for pleasure. She made head girl and I was so happy for her cos she deserved it. She was a people person, most people felt comfortable in her presence, I felt very comfortable in her presence. She was like a sister. We lost touch in secondary school cos I moved up north while she remained in lagos; University brought us together again and it was fun again. After school, I blamed it all on trying to settle down, getting a job and all that. That was how we lost touch. Today she crossed my mind again, I decided to use Google* ever-ready* and I found out, she had passed...... May her soul rest in peace.

It got me thinking, I have to change and reach out to people more. Thanks to social media, you can practically find most people these days and today I used my Facebook account * which I rarely use* to look up some old friends and send messages. It felt good. Even though I am anonymous here, I get people who still reach out to ask how i am doing and to come put up a post. I really appreciate it and even though I might not respond, I appreciate and I resolve to change; I will keep in touch.



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Teenage Pregnancy

 Hi people, 

Yesterday I was watching a program on T.V,they were talking about the new ads released by New York City on teen pregnancy prevention. Everyone was just going on and on about how harsh and inappropriate the adverts were and and how it wasn't going to solve the teen pregnancy issue rather it will just stigmatize teens, how everyone knew someone who had experience with teen pregnancy and all the kids don't turn out bad. It was quite a long rant and all through I was just shaking my head and thinking of the "sex talk" when I was a teenager and how our cultures are so different. My mom left me in fear and trembling that I was sure she had her ways of knowing when those random boys blocking me at the junction will not let me go on my errands in peace. The fear of stigmatization, kept me in the straight and narrow at the beginning.

 



Over here we are quick to talk about the rights of a child, how everyone has a right to live how they want, but is it really the right of a child to have a child?  Shouldn't a child be able to live their young lives free of adult responsibilities? We live in a world of reality T.V and I bet most people have seen the  MTV series "16 and Pregnant" *and maybe they think that life is real or that they will also make it to the show*, so seeing the young pregnant girl is fast becoming a fixture. Sometimes when I even see these kids with their kids, they seem prideful, like they have achieved something. Of course they have achieved something; maybe   my contact lens are deceiving me, but I don't wear contacts.

I know it is my mother's voice, which by the way is sometimes the voice of my conscience, that  is saying teenagers don't have any business having sex. Most of them don't even know themselves yet,  they are still having ping pongs of emotions and truckloads of hormones that they know nothing about. They shouldn't have to think of what baby will eat or how to get a second job to meet up with child support.  I remember  one time after my second baby, I just resumed back at work. I got back from work so tired and I just wanted to crash and forget my responsibilities for a few hours. My mom gave me 30 minutes then woke me up saying " You are a mom now, you have babies who are looking up to you for care, you need to get up and do right by them". At that point I felt she was harsh and she could have just helped me care for my children one more day, but that was the push I needed.  Motherhood dawned on me. Even now at my age it overwhelms me sometimes, I wonder how a teenager is coping.

Yes, these adverts might be offensive or harsh and not really tackling the problems of teenage pregnancy at its roots but  maybe it will get us talking about it and educate young girls that it is a wrong move.* Imagine your children thinking these thoughts and desist* Teenagers should be given reproductive and sexual education and the earlier we start talking to our children even before they become teenagers, the better for us.

 


 
 What do you guys think? Are the adverts for this campaign too harsh?

Skin Colors? Black History Month

I can do better. I choose to do better.

When is the right time to do the race/ skin  talk with your child? Should you even do the race/ skin talk with your child? I naively assumed that I still had a window, my children are still young and probably not seeing in skin colors. Then came Doc. Mcstuffins. So I was asking my daughter why she loved the show. She said " Doc is a girl, she made her toys and her friends toys feel better and because she is brown". I was like "brown?" She said" yes, brown like me" And I saw that window being blown by the wind. I wasn't sure if she was leaning more to those who looked more like her just because. Is there a science about this? At first I didn't know what to say. Not one to let a learning opportunity slip by, I asked so "what other kind of people do you see apart from brown people?" She said "the not-so brown and those that look like Miss C "*Miss C is her teacher and she is white* I was like "OK" and  didn't know whether to launch into the full race talk. I just told her Ms C is white and she is not brown but black. Which led to an argument on colors. I managed to let her know that irrespective of the skin color, there are only two kinds of people: good and bad. I didn't know how much to say to a preschooler.

I wouldn't like to fuel the evil tweet from the Onion about an innocent black girl, all I can say is that irrespective of their skin color, they are part of the bad people.

February is black history month  and we managed to join the activities at the community college to learn about the history of the black people in the area where we now call home. It was fun learning something new and I felt shame that my knowledge of great Nigerians is limited and mostly forgotten. The stories fresh in my head are those of the "bad" ones. I need to refresh myself on the stories of the good people.

How are you guys doing?

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Gossip can be good for you

I am back!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!

It wasn't like I ever left. I come up here almost everyday * apart from weekends*, I go through my blog list. Enjoy all the beautiful stories, juicy gists and yummy food posts * I see you, Myne*, and sometimes I even get to the comment sections. After all that work, posting something up here is like a chore. I always get discouraged thinking thoughts I shouldn't even be thinking. Anyways, today I overcame that voice that sometimes whispers to me. I am doing this today.

I hope you guys are doing good. It is the February  already. This year is running the good race. January was good and I pray February be better. We are having better weather now minus the heavy snow. Maybe I don't mind the snow when it is fresh, it is after it turns to sleet that I have a problem * like most people I guess* I fell down twice last month. Once I slipped on sleet as I got out of the car and my son was asking me what I was doing on the ground. I didnt know whether to cry or just laugh it off. Where is summer o?

I was listening to a podcast the other day and I heard that according to a recent study carried out by the University of California, Berkeley, It is good to gossip. We used to sing this song growing up; Gossip gossip evil thing, much unhappiness it brings; If you can't say something nice, don't talk at all is my advice. According to this study,engaging in pro-social gossip is beneficial. Not all gossip is idle chatter, sometimes if you are trying to warn someone about dishonest or untrustworthy people that translates to something good, so even though it is termed as gossip, it is good gossip.  You can find the report here.You know how sometimes you have this juicy gist and you can't just wait to share it with someone, but when you think it would be gossiping you just keep it to  yourself or you put it down in your journal and forget about it. But no matter how bad a rap gossip has gathered, people still indulge.The tabloids still make good sales . So do you gossip or will you?

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