Hi people,

Hope everyone is enjoying the week so far. The year is speeding by or is it just me? It felt like just yesterday I was happy that it was friday and it is mid-week already. Are u one of those people who are already taking stock, looking at what you can still achieve before the year ends? Anybody? Oohkay. I know you guys are just like me. :-) Though I am not one to make new year resolutions, I have goals for the day, week, month etc. I don't know if that is more tasking cos if I don't do something that was scheduled for one day, it automatically joins the activities of the following day. This makes some days overwhelming.

Lately I have been thinking about social media, technology and its effects. We can all say that there are huge benefits in the social networks. Connecting with people you haven't seen in a long while and making new friends is just at the tip of our thumbs. Gossip is also easily accessed. But after reading an excerpt from a newspaper article where men were lamenting the loss of their wives, I started looking at it in a different light. Cos of technology, you don't have to go out of your house to have an affair. Men and Women are both guilty* I don't agree that it is only men losing wives, even some women are losing husbands*. These days, we all want to stay connected. Gone are the days when you go out and chat with someone while waiting, everyone is tuned to their phones, tapping, smiling and LOLing away. Even when you make a new contact, some people find it difficult to chat face to face, instead they are asking for your pin or number. I am also guilty of texting instead of calling. Anyways that is a different story.

You know how we have people we chat with on a regular basis, people on our bb contact list who we exchange fun, spiritual and sometimes lewd forwarded messages with. Sometimes things develop. I have heard of people getting close to the people on the otherside of the smartphone just cos they feel either their partners are not as understanding as the guy or gal they exchange IMs with. Ofcourse they forget that writing and speaking are different. Just like reading and hearing is diiferent.That person will only share what they want you to know and behave or comment in ways they know you want to hear. I used to have a friend who used to be a coursemate during my Uni days. He was just one of those guys in class that you shared more than a hi with but nothing heavy. Now this guy is one of my bb contacts. We chat sometimes till he started rapping nonsense. He would make suggestive comments and once he shared his sexual fantasy with me in the center of it. I told him I don't roll that way. He said I shouldn't be uptight everyone is doing it. I told him I wasn't everyone and don't appreciate such comments. He apologized promised not to do it again. The next time he tried it, I didn't even respond, I went straight to my 'del' button *thank God it works* and deleted him from my list. Someone said that was too harsh I should have just ignored him, I said no way. So people where do you draw the line.

Did she say she eloped?

When I was responding to my versatile blog award, I mentioned that I eloped to get married. I was quite happy nobody commented on that till Ginger with her eagle eye saw it and asked for the gist. It isn't much of a gist either but I promised to tell it.

Anyways, I met my husband at my place of work. He came to do a survey on branches from our head office * yes we both worked at the same bank*. We were attracted to one another and he was easy on the eyes. He was transferred to work at my branch and then I got to know him better. We were both sure we wouldn't date each other cos who dated their colleagues? The tension would be too much right? We became quick then great friends.  I knew he was especially fond of me and though I liked him a little too much I was just thinking I didn't want to date a fellow colleague and one in the same office with me. But we connected at a level that people felt something was going on.

He was then selected for a bank project and was transferred to a different branch outside of  our town. The night he was to leave he came to my house and after a lot of beating about the bush, he said, he wouldn't like to be the guy who saw a good thing and then allowed it to slip away from him because he thought he had time; there and then, he proposed to me and said i could give my answer anytime, he just wanted me to know that was how he felt. I jokingly told him that wasn't how it was done, even if I wanted to say yes, where was my ring? He promised to do it right. I knew him  well enough, my family knew him *my mom used to call him my brother*, i knew his folks and siblings but I wanted to pray about it.

To cut a long story short, we started dating and the next time he proposed * with a ring this time*, I said yes. We used to discuss the kind of wedding we would like to have. We both wanted something simple but our families wanted something more elaborate. He was on vacation and I had  already planned to spend a weekend with him, so he asked if I was ready to do this our own way, while we waited for the BIG wedding. I told him yes. In a small ceremony that he had organized, with a few witnesses, we exchanged our vows and a bible and became man and wife. After that weekend, I went back home and acted like nothing happened.  We had our wedding later that year in December.

Six years and 2 kids later, I am happy that I had a wedding for me. For us, we celebrate our wedding anniversary in April but every other person congratulates us in December.

PS: If my hubs should read this he will say I didn't tell the story well. Oh well, he is the story teller in our family. :-)

Domestic Violence

Grandma Procrastination was really listening when I said I was going to post something the very next day and she made sure I didn't * that's me passing the blame for something i should have done that I didn't do.* Emotional affairs still coming up but I would like to talk about domestic violence today.

Tega did a registry wedding with her boyfriend, Ogagan, so she would be posted to Lagos state for her NYSC. So everyone was waiting for them to officially wed, maybe traditional or church later where they would invite people and be known as a married couple. Three years after NYSC, no wedding . So people, started asking Tega what the problem was; did she have a change of mind? She said everything was fine. They will do it one day. Two years after that, they still are not married, if you ask Ogagan, he will say he is ready; Tega says Ogagan wants to finish his MBA first before they settle down. Really it is nobodys business if they decide to do the traditional or whatever people want them to do, but you know people now. They were always asking. Some days Tega comes to work with a bruises on her body and she blames it on okada accidents. Nobody read anything to it cos she seemed happy and Ogagan also seemed to be the doting boyfriend/husband. No one knew that she was a punching bag at night. No one knew that Ogagan would go through her phone for text messages or calls from guys that he doesn't know and then make sure she explains to his satisfaction *which she doesnt do most times and he has already made up his mind to act the beast* Everyone heard about that bank staff whose husband butchered her and even Tega said the girl should have left before it got that bad.

People handle challenges in different ways. Some people write about it, Some people just plain write about anything, some people might have a confidante who they talk to. Tega got very close to one guy at work and she told him what she was going through. She enjoyed his company and though they didnt have any physical intimacy, they shared sexual fantasies. The guy wants her to leave Ogagan to save her life. She is scared cos she thinks Ogagan will fulfill his threat and haunt her if she dares leave him. Her family says she should stick it out cos maybe she is the cause of the beatings and you know men would always be men *SMH*

Now I ask, is it worth it marrying someone just to beat the NYSC system and remain in a particular state? Why would a woman stay with a man who thinks he is Sugar Ray and can box her at anytime? *I remember a friend I had once who in mirth will hit me on the back, though it wasn't painful o, I didn't wait to see what he would do if he is upset.* Why would society permit men to be crude all in the name that men will be men? Only men without self control and discipline hit women. What do you guys think?

Blog Awards

Hi all,

I got a couple of awards *my very first awards* while I was away. *Thank you, thank you* Though I came on here today to do a post on emotional affairs, I decided to respond to those awards first. 

I was awarded the "One Lovely Blog" award by mikesfrequency.blogspot.com
and "Versatile blogger by @9ja great.blogspot.com. Since the rules to these awards are similar, please grant me permission to fuse them into one. I want to thank you guys for thinking me worthy of these awards. I really appreciate it. 


Rules: One Lovely Blog and Versatile blog


Link back to the person who gave you the award
Complete the form below
Tell seven random things about yourself
Nominate 15 bloggers 

Favorite color: I love bright colors.

Favorite song:  Depends but  right now That Stupid song by Bez cracks me up with nostalgia

Favorite dessert: Apple Crisp

What pisses you off?: Bullies and rude people

When you are upset you:  Listen to music, Take a walk.

Your favorite pet: Does my blackberry count?

Black or white?: Both?

Your biggest fear: Not achieving my purpose in this life


Everyday attitude: Treat others the way I want to be treated

Your best feature: My body

What is perfection?: God

Guilty pleasure: Shopping

7 Random things about myself:
I always see good in people.
Music makes me happy
Grandma Procastinator
I love children shows
I eloped
I have 2 kids
I love to read out loud in a quiet room

Once again, I thank a 9-ja great and Mike for the awards. I don't know how to link them to my post * covers face in shame*. As I have not discovered any new blogs lately, I give this award to all who like to play.

I have gist on emotional affairs that I want to share and hear your opinions. I will post that tomorrow* I hope you heard that grandma procastinator*

...But the ultrasound...

Hi everyone. 2011 seems to be speeding by. We hit the -ember months few days back. Before we know it, we will be singing carols and welcoming 2012.

What's up with ultrasounds that will come up saying one thing and the other happens? A friend gave birth a couple of days ago and her ultrasound said she was going to have a girl. She went on a pink shopping frenzy. Bought girl clothes, cute captioned onesies,princess themed nursey,all the works and lo and behold she got a BOY.

Same thing happened before I had my last child. When I went for the ultrasound, I asked the technician
What I was having * I am one of those people who don't like surprises if I can help it* The guy asked if this was my first, I told him no that I had a girl the last time. He said it is hospital policy not to tell cos they've had cases where women who had all girls and who wanted a boy tried funny things like attempting suicide when they were told, a baby girl is in the oven.I told him I just needed to know so I would know what to get.He said you are having one like you. I heard that to mean I was having a girl. When I told my husband, he didn't believe cos of some old wives tales. I didn't argue. I was waiting for delivery then I will tell him I told you so *childish hmm?* Since I was having a girl, I didn't buy anything, I had more than enough from the last time.

After close to 8hrs of labour, I had the baby and the first thing my husband said was " I told u it was going to be a boy" I had my mouth open cos I thought the scan was always right and that I would be having a girl. So who is at fault now? Is it the technician that did not read the ultrasound right or it was a case of faulty machine? Would u like to know the sex of your baby before delivery or you would like to be plesantly surprised?


PS: I apologise for any typo I did this from my phone.

....

Sometimes I just wonder what the problem is with people. I can't remember where I read where one blogger was lamenting about the throes of growing up and the expectations of  family, peers, society to do things a particular way or fit a particular mold or follow a particular pattern. As kids we could not wait to grow up, get into the REAL world; Real world being either college or a job. After the job, everybody thinks the next thing is  marriage and once you are married the next thing is having babies. As a newly married woman, once you say you are having a headache or a slight fever, people are asking " Abi e don enter?" So a girl can't have fever or headache again? Then if after a couple of months, you isn't pregnant, you will see and hear all sorts of things.

A friend of mine got married in November last year after a long search and wait for a partner. During the period of wait, people walked up to her in church, at work trying to hook her up with their brothers, friends, uncles etc There was even one church member that tried to hook her up with a married man whose family is in the US but he is ready to settle down in Nigeria, so they wanted her to be the Nigerian wife cos they felt at her age she shouldn't be choosy. What is that?

Anyways she got married and 8 months later people are asking her how far? Why isn't she pregnant. One 'concerned' person wrote a prescription for her, mind you, she is not a doctor o. According to "concerned" friend, she isn't acting like she is bothered and that it was obvious that she is not doing anything about it. I am thinking, can anyone be more bothered about this kind of situation, more  than the person actually experiencing it? If you want to grieve more than the bereaved, pray for the person. If  you are close  enough and she asks for your opinion or help that is when you can give your 2 kobo. Or am I wrong?

Brume where are you?

When someone says there is nothing like looking for a missing child I never knew what it really meant. Of course I assumed that the parents will be mad with worry and so many scenarios will be playing on their minds of where the child might be; if someone had kidnapped the child etc.

I experienced it. And I don't wish it for anyone to look for a child, a spouse, sister, brother....

I decided to do an impromptu shopping on Friday. So I packed the kids and we took the bus to the mall. My 20 month old son was sleeping when we got there so everything was good. While I was checking summer clothes for them he woke up and wanted to get out of his stroller. Maybe I should have insisted he stayed in but since he normally just stays around me when he is off his stroller, I felt it was okay. We left the girl's section to go to the boys section, when his sister said "Mummy Brume is missing". I was like "what do you mean Brume is missing, he is right here". Then i looked around and didn't see him. We started calling out, looking around and we didnt see him. At that point i was already getting frantic, my calls were louder; we were running from one end of the outlet to the other. One cashier asked what the problem was, told her i was looking for my kid described what he was wearing. She now alerted the shop manager. Immediately they got the floor on lock-down. Staff were placed on every exit point while others went around looking for him. I was close to tears at this point. I was just praying and making all sorts of promises to God to keep my boy safe. I was out of my mind.

After 15minutes that felt like 24 hours , they found him in the toy sections riding a toy car. I was so happy to see him my heart became so light i wanted to scream for joy. Later I thought, why didnt I think of the toy section? I guess i was just to panicked to think straight. There is a game my husband likes us to play where we will give likely steps we will take if we faced any situation or challenge.I just used to indulge him; I didnt really like playing that game cos I was always like it is not my portion, God will not allow that happen to me, so why think about it when it will never happen? Though we never got around to playing what should be done if your child is missing, now I am the one thinking up situations and thinking about what I would do if I am faced. Even if it will not happen, there is nothing like being ready.

So I wondered at Casey Anthony whose child was missing and she didn't report it for 31 days was thinking? Anyways that is another gist.

The first step to take when you notice anyone is missing is to immediately report to the local law enforcement or in my case to the manager so everyone can be on the lookout.